Enlightenment, Hump Day Hmm

This week's Hump Day Hmm asks "What stunning realization has enlightened you recently or at some point in your life and caused you to take a turn, either in your life path or in your thinking? And...what happened next?"

Well, from my recent post about how I see my life as a vision quest, and another I wrote about Randy Pausch's Last Lecture, my life feels like a series of awakenings lately. My post about rediscovering my introverted nature goes right along with those. So am I a brand new man? Not really. I have always been fairly self-aware. I've even been extremely confident in my abilities most of my life. Yet somehow I had let myself fall into a trap of not trusting myself, and not trusting that what I want was a good thing to strive for. Now I am just getting back to my more natural state of believing in myself and in my ability to learn and grow. When I want something, I am quite good at getting it. When it matters to me, I learn new skills necessary to achieve a goal or reach a new height. I just needed to remember those things.

So my recent turn has come from a lot of inspirations - my best friend, my wife, a former classmate, my own desires, and even some promptings I know come from a greater place. I have simply remembered that I can and should continue to grow as a person. I am my best self when I am learning new things and feeding off the energy of my excited brain. That is the person my wife fell in love with, the person that impressed numerous admissions counselors, and the person that will one day stand in front of a classroom full of expectant undergraduates, waiting to hear what the big bald dude at the front has to say. For me to pretend I belong elsewhere any longer would simply be a travesty, a failing on my part, and completely unacceptable. I must continue to push myself, to learn and grow, and to become more. That may not seem like enlightenment, but it qualifies as epiphany for me.

-- Robert

Fingers Crossed

We may get an offer on the house tonight, after less than a month on the market. One couple has toured it twice and apparently will make an offer. We know they spent a while touring the house because various people who passed the house on the way to where we're staying let us know how long they were there (no, we did not drive by the house ourselves repeatedly). Here's hoping (and praying) it happens!

-- Robert

Journal Writing

Yesterday I heard a talk that reminded me of the importance of journal writing. The speaker told us that we could easily learn how a decision turned out for someone in the scriptures by reading ahead and seeing what happened. In our own lives, we have to have faith and just do what we feel we are supposed to do. He reminded me of why we are encouraged in our church to keep a journal. By keeping a journal, we can look back at our own decisions later and see how things turned out - somewhat like our own set of scriptures for our lives. It also gives our children the chance to learn from those trials we've been through, as we can share our journals with them if they are interested. One of the greatest parts about keeping a journal is that it gives future generations a chance to know about what went before - what did we think about during a certain period of history as it was happening, what gave us joy or sorrow, or simply what mattered enough to be written down. In writing a journal, I can appreciate why so little detail is given to explain particular individuals or places in the scripture stories - after all, who thinks to explain their own circumstances in such detail? It helps me also understand that the main lessons of value in life have nothing to do with what clothes were worn, what cars were driven, or what new fad diet was all the rage. What matters in life are the joys and sorrows, the experience gained from how those are handled, and how we use the wisdom gained from that experience.

And as for anyone who thinks "When can I find the time to write a journal?" I recall the words of Randy Pausch on the subject. Saving important emails, calendars, and other such devices (writings on a blog, anyone?) can serve just as well as writing in a personal journal. What email you save shows a lot about what matters, and having it later can be just as helpful in recalling matters of importance. After all, quite a few books of the New Testament were letters written on matters of importance to a person or a group. So, if I sometimes write things that seem awfully personal on my blog, it is because this blog is as much a journal of what matters to me as anything else. It is not carved onto metal plates or into stone tablets, there is no parchment carefully crafted from animal skin, but all the same, it is my statement to the world of who I am and what matters to me.

-- Robert

Why Don't We Talk About Rainbows?

Friday was my fifth anniversary. I had planned to write a post about my five wonderful years with my wife. I didn't get to it early, though, and I wasn't feeling the inspiration I wanted to write. Then Randy Pausch died, and I wrote that post instead. Then Saturday I found the inspiration I needed. During an afternoon spent walking around outdoors, thinking the whole time it might be ended by a sudden downpour, the group I was with noticed a rainbow, then two rainbows. It felt like a sweet promise that we would get to finish our planned event before the rain came, which was just how it came to be. As we continued to observe the rainbows, people commented on the most beautiful ones they'd ever seen, and I remembered mine.

Just after Ellie and I started dating, she picked me up at the airport in Salt Lake to take me to Idaho so I could see her play in a concert, and on the way there we drove underneath a magnificent rainbow. It was amazing because it just got bigger and bigger as we approached, and it didn't disappear when we got beneath it. I mentioned that rainbow to one of the women Saturday and she said "Was there a pot of gold?" I said just what I remembered thinking at the time - I had my treasure right here.

Cheesy? Certainly. But it was and is how I felt. So, as I look back on five years of marriage, I definitely see a lot of memories to treasure with a wonderful wife and mother of my two beautiful children. She is my best friend, the person I love most to make laugh, and my favorite person to spend time traveling with. Life can become mundane and we can overlook the small blessings when we're together all the time, but it helps me to sometimes recall how we began, looking at rainbows in wonder and awe. Once upon a time, we were not able to be together all the time, and we couldn't wait for that to change. Now we're together all the time, and I am so grateful we got that wish. So, to my wife, thank you for loving me and marrying me. Thanks for being in the pot at the end of the rainbow.

-- Robert

Memories

Ellie has this on her blog, and I thought it looked fun, so I'm playing along.

So here's how it works...

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you know me a little or a lot, anything you remember!

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you. If you don't want to play on your blog, or if you don't have a blog, I'll leave my memory of you in my comments.

So there you have it! Post away! Oh,and if you don't "know" me well enough to have a memory, feel free to use anything you've read here. A favorite post you've read, etc. that way everyone can play!

-- Robert

A Tribute to Dr. Randy Pausch

Oh how little did we know
how much we'd come to care
about a man who dreamed big dreams
and had so much to share.
If we each could lead a life like his,
so full and so fresh,
the world would be a better place
'cause we'd all know we're blessed.
He might have lived a day longer,
or avoided his painful death,
but many of us would have missed out,
and never known how his life was spent.
For he was a man who gave all he had
to what and who he loved,
and for his sacrifice we must give thanks,
and wish him well above.

Dr. Randy Pausch died today, having spent many of his last days fighting for a cause he knew would be left for others to take up. He showed the world in that time the importance of living a full life and pursuing dreams - truly he was an imagineer at heart. He will be missed, but hopefully not forgotten. I only just learned about him a few months ago, and yet he inspired me as much as many people I have known my whole life. I am grateful he lived and that I did hear of him, and my prayers are with his wife and young children. The world is just a little dimmer today, as one of its sons goes out of it.

-- Robert

For Those Who've Been Wondering...

I know some people first read this blog looking for political commentary. Two things: first, we started this blog to write about positive things in life - self improvement, money management, life experiences - and second, I really have nothing positive to say about this campaign season. I'm not particularly excited about either candidate for president, though I'll hold my nose and vote for McCain over Obama based off the insanity I hear from Obama. I just can't bring myself to write a lot about this year anymore because there is too much out there as it is, and I can't add anything meaningful to the mix. So, rather than stump for someone I don't have a lot of passion for, or share my views on someone I think will be at best incompetent and at worst a terrifying person to have as president, I would prefer to focus on good things in my own life and the life of my children. I do apologize, sincerely and with no ill will, if my recent posts have grown boring as a result. I write my posts as much for myself as for anyone else. Feel free to keep reading, though. I appreciate any comments I get.

-- Robert