An Ocean of Knowledge

I have probably told half a dozen people my analogy for how I feel at this point in a doctoral program: I am drowning in an ocean of knowledge, and I don't have gills. It's not that I am trying to get my head above the "water" - I am actually trying to learn to breath it. That's the best way I can come up with to describe it.

And yet, here I am, not dead, with nearly a month in the program. I have had a whole range of feelings about myself in this process, but I have mostly decided to push forward as far as I can on everything I can manage and accept that everything is adding to my progress. I feel sure I will disappoint someone - a professor, a classmate, myself, my wife, my children - almost weekly, and possibly all of those in the course of this semester. Yet I believe in the process enough to have hope that on the other side of each obstacle a new perspective can be achieved.

I have read more in the last month than I did in all of my undergraduate and MBA classes combinedm, I am almost certain. If not by now, it won't take more than a week or two more to pass that mark.

And maybe, just maybe, I have started to learn to take it in without drowning. I feel like I took my first breath this past week. I am also glad that my classmates and I are doing what we can to help each other to leverage our efforts and work smarter instead of harder. A human being can only work ninety hours a week reading material for so long before it becomes abundantly clear that simply having viewed a page once is not really worth the effort expended. I cannot express how utterly grateful I am to be working alongside such brilliant students and faculty. I have no real way to know what I might have experienced elsewhere, but this group is just what the doctor(ate) ordered for me. I will owe them all a huge debt of gratitude when I am done. I hope somewhere along the way I can be of similar service to some of them.

And before I conclude this post, I have to again thank my wife for even being here. She is suffering the brunt of everything I am going through, and she's holding up better than I could ask anyone to. Her love and support, her understanding... it's beyond comprehension that she is sticking by me. I love her, and don't know if I could do this work without her. I don't think buying her the sports car of her dreams when I get my first chair will cover it - but maybe I'll find some way to show her how much she means to me. I just wish they could print the diploma with both of our names on it, because she'll certainly have earned her part of it.

Well, it is time to dive back in, or to sleep now so I can do so in the morning.

-- Robert

Eating the Elephant

After one week in a doctoral program, the metaphor definitely fits: the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. If I look at all I have to do all at once, I could easily be overwhelmed. Instead I have to take each article, each book chapter, and each assignment and work through it. At this point, I am enjoying the "flavor" of what I am consuming. Truly, my mind is more engaged than it has been in a long time - if not ever. I am extremely grateful to be surrounded by such wonderful people, both among the students and the faculty. So far I have felt very supported by the rest of my cohort and find the free flow of advice and information among us all to be wonderful. I could not have designed a better program for myself.

-- Robert

Oriented And Focused

This week, my cohort had our orientation. There are five of us, four men and one woman. Two of us are married. One is Chinese and the rest are Americans. I am the oldest, then it goes 30, 29, 26, and 23 years of age. One of us comes from a psychology background, one from sociology, and the rest have business degrees. In all, I am impressed by the group I have the privilege of studying with, and I look forward to getting to know each of them better over time. I know their strong work ethics and keen intellects will encourage my best efforts. I couldn't ask for a better cohort.

The orientation itself made it clear from the beginning what our goal will be in this program: in fourteen years we should each be full professors and chairs (not department chairs, but endowed chairs). That achievement is completely possible, and it is good to hear our professors have set the bar high from the beginning. We had a great discussion that laid out what the program we will go through is designed to teach us (how to research) and where our focus needs to be (on topics that excite us). The classes are important for teaching us methodology and familiarizing us with the literature out there, but research takes precedence. I especially liked that our coordinating professor made it clear that he doesn't like the distinction between teaching and research: everything we do should be focused on teaching. Classroom teaching is focused on our students but research is focused on teaching (and learning from) our colleagues in the "guild" of researchers.

Classes begin next week. We will be taking an organizational economics class that will show us a lot of topics so we can begin to find subjects we might enjoy working on. We will be taking a class on research methods to help us understand the process of academic research. We will take a class from the professor who teaches instructors how to teach better. Last of all, but perhaps most important, we will have a colloquim where we discuss what skills we need to build during our time here and how to build them by looking at best practices and award winning materials. By the end of the term we should be well on our way to having our first two research papers begun. We will also have quite a few research proposals written for potential future projects.

In short, I am very excited to have begun. I've read over a hundred pages in academic articles this week, and I have plenty more to read both for class and because of suggestions by professors. I feel confident that I can handle myself so far, and I look forward to finding out.

-- Robert

I Passed!

I passed both my tests, despite the peculiar questions on both. I did really well on linear algebra "for having never taken the class" (my wife said that). The calculus was not as great, but getting it over with was all I wanted at this point. Now I have several reading assignments for one class and the textbooks purchased (except one) for two classes. I even know the rest of my schedule, which is a nice step forward. Wednesday is my orientation, then school starts Thursday, though two of my classes don't actually meet for the first time until September. We'll see how it all plays out.

-- Robert

If Yesterday Threw Curves...

Today was knuckleballs. It was never clear where the next one was going. There was a multivariate derivative (that is, f(x,y), find f ' (x,y)/dy) and half a dozen limits. Out of all the tests I practiced, there might have been two limit questions total, and then it was half the test this time? Definitely peculiar. Here's hoping I passed it. I feel confident I passed yesterday, but after today I'm wondering if I showed enough work on either. Here's hoping.

-- Robert

One Down, One to Go

I took my linear algebra test, and I feel confident I did well enough to pass it. I don't think I got a perfect score, but I think I answered every question with enough right on my answer to get at least partial credit, and I suspect full credit on the vast majority of them. Tomorrow I take the calculus test, which hopefully won't throw the curves that this test did. Still, I feel pretty good that I can manage it: each time I practiced either test, I took less than an hour and there are three hours alotted for each. I took about thirty-five minutes (even taking my time) on the test today. Many thanks go to my brother-in-law who spent hours helping me practice and learn. I also have to thank my wife for her consideration in those hours of practice and study (and for having such a brilliant brother).

Next week is orientation and then classes begin. My daughter also starts kindergarten. I am excited to see what new patterns form in our lives. I'm also excited for what classes and work will bring. Who knows when I'll next be able to write a blog post. Thanks for anyone still reading. I appreciate the interest.

-- Robert

Relaxation

This is my last week without school. Possibly ever. Technically last week was, I guess, since I chose to study this week, but I've mostly relaxed and focused on getting the house in order. My wife and I have built five bookshelves now in the last two weeks. Yesterday we spent about six hours building a swingset for our daughter's birthday. So what am I doing right now? I am sitting in my back yard in my folding chair listening to this great jam on YouTube writing this post while monitoring the steaks on the grill and watching the kids on their new swingset. These days are special. We even got to swim today. I'm not sure if there will be many days like this in the future. I'm glad to have had this one.

-- Robert