Now that I have given my wife a chance to post some pictures of our new little boy, I can now write my own post welcoming him to the world. He is the second son I have watched enter the world, and the third child. Each one has come ready with his or her own personality. In the case of our new son, he seems calm and peaceful. He might express displeasure at something for a moment, but he then settles down to simply experience it. Will that attitude continue? Only time will tell. For now, I am simply thankful that he is exactly what I wanted: healthy.
So, my son, I welcome you to this world. I look forward to all you will teach me, and hopefully to what I might hope to teach you. Your big sister already adores you. Hopefully she won't treat you like her own personal baby doll. She will probably dote on you quite a bit for a while, though. Your brother, well, that may be another story. You have, after all, taken his position as "baby". Also, he is somewhat disconnected from the fact that you are now part of the family. He will clue in soon, and I feel sure he will love you, but hopefully not by playing "pow pow" with you. At least not yet. I have a vision that one day you two will be best friends, much like your sister is with him already. Just know that you have a wonderful family who you will bring much joy to.
Oh, and one more thing: your Mom. She loves you more than her own life. She loves all of her children that way. Sometimes she may be tired, and sometimes she may show her love by keeping you straight, but she still loves you. For now, though, she will spend much of her energy on you, so I hope you are thankful. You are blessed to have her. So am I. So sometimes she has to come first. Most of the time you will. For now. Enjoy it while you can. It's a big world.
Welcome.
-- Robert
Showing posts with label childhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label childhood. Show all posts
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Zanna's Gift
Over the weekend in Orlando, my wife and I each picked up several new novels. We love to read, and there are some bookstores there that carry things not available in our area. I saw two Christmas stories by authors I respect, and I decided to pick them up. I like the spirit of Christmas, not the materialism.
Last night, thinking a little reading would put me right to sleep, I started reading Zanna's Gift by Orson Scott Card (though it says "Orson Scott Card writing as Scott Richards"). I could not put it down. Perhaps it was how close to home it felt, and the time of year, but I found myself weeping at times. I wanted to kiss each of my kids and my wife when I was done.
The story centers on the Pullman family and starts around the time of the Great Depression. Their eldest son died in his sleep without any warning, and the whole family took it hard because he was such a wonderful son and brother. Their youngest child, Zanna, struggled with it because her brother had been the only person who could understand her special drawings. The rest of the story swirls around how much Zanna's final drawing for her brother shaped all the family's future Christmases.
A week from today, it will have been twenty-two years since my brother died. He was on his way to meet us for Thanksgiving after taking some midterms at college. He was only eighteen, and had planned a brilliant future as a science fiction writer. His passion for that genre led him to study engineering at Georgia Tech, and that led me to become an avid Tech fan for many years. His life-path, much like Zanna's drawing, shaped much of my family's future, especially mine and my sister's.
My sister followed him to Tech first. She had spent many years following him through classes, as he was just two years older. I wondered later if following him to Tech had simply been the most logical course for her at the time. She finished, even receiving the same degree, and became an engineer. I thought for a time I would do the same.
I wanted to go to Tech because it was such a wonderful school. I just realized somewhere in high school that engineering was not for me. I did not struggle in science or math, but I simply didn't have a great love for seeing how things worked the way most engineers I know seem to. I took apart a few toys as a kid, but mostly I was just happy to leave them put together and play with them. I learned enough about opening a computer to put in parts, but I never felt the desire to build one.
No, I was not an engineer. I hated the idea of being computer programmer, too, even though I had a gift for it. I loved math, and my high school coach desperately wanted me to follow in his footsteps and study that there. Math was something I loved in simplicity and at a basic level because I was good at it. I knew that studying the upper levels of it would likely change me - perhaps drive me to obsess about it like so many in that field. So I could not bring myself to major in math, either. Instead, having developed an interest in investing and financial planning, I decided to pursue a business degree. I still held some glimmer of hope that I could go to Tech, though, because I accepted their generous President's Scholarship to pursue my studies there.
I probably realized my mistake the first day on campus. I was given the wrong combination to my mailbox, and I wondered if it was a sign. At orientation, they gave their standard line "One in three of you won't be here at graduation, so if you look left and look right, one of them won't be here. If they're here, it'll be you." To my left was an empty seat, and to my right was a friend I knew was born for the place, so I quipped "I guess it's me!" Maybe it took me a few weeks to realize how true that joke would become. I finally admitted it somewhere in the middle of my second quarter. I did not belong at Tech. I probably could have found a place there, if anything about it had given me a reason to want to. But no, I fought for the money I was promised because of a computer error that never got fixed. I sat through classes that spent more time focusing on keeping the athletes on the fields and courts than on educating me about business. And I got asked every single day by someone, "Why are you here?" In the end, my answer varied between "I ask myself that every day" and "Don't worry, I won't be soon."
Following my brother had been wrong for me. I was not him, and like the eldest brother in Zanna's Gift learned, I could never be him. I had at least realized I did not want to follow in his exact path by then, but some part of me probably subconsciously wanted to fulfill his dream. I wrote a book in high school, then a book of poetry and another of short stories in college. I even went as far as finding a self-publisher to help me release my work in major book stores. Something stopped me, though, and I let that dream fade with time. Still, I thank my brother for providing me with such a great example to strive for throughout my education. That is probably why Zanna's Gift touched me so deeply. The death of one so special has a profound influence on the lives it touches. It need not be a sad one, either, but instead one that helps each of us cherish those who remain a little more. I know my brother's death did that for me and for my family. I hope it continues to do so for years to come, just as it did for the Pullmans.
-- Robert
Last night, thinking a little reading would put me right to sleep, I started reading Zanna's Gift by Orson Scott Card (though it says "Orson Scott Card writing as Scott Richards"). I could not put it down. Perhaps it was how close to home it felt, and the time of year, but I found myself weeping at times. I wanted to kiss each of my kids and my wife when I was done.
The story centers on the Pullman family and starts around the time of the Great Depression. Their eldest son died in his sleep without any warning, and the whole family took it hard because he was such a wonderful son and brother. Their youngest child, Zanna, struggled with it because her brother had been the only person who could understand her special drawings. The rest of the story swirls around how much Zanna's final drawing for her brother shaped all the family's future Christmases.
A week from today, it will have been twenty-two years since my brother died. He was on his way to meet us for Thanksgiving after taking some midterms at college. He was only eighteen, and had planned a brilliant future as a science fiction writer. His passion for that genre led him to study engineering at Georgia Tech, and that led me to become an avid Tech fan for many years. His life-path, much like Zanna's drawing, shaped much of my family's future, especially mine and my sister's.
My sister followed him to Tech first. She had spent many years following him through classes, as he was just two years older. I wondered later if following him to Tech had simply been the most logical course for her at the time. She finished, even receiving the same degree, and became an engineer. I thought for a time I would do the same.
I wanted to go to Tech because it was such a wonderful school. I just realized somewhere in high school that engineering was not for me. I did not struggle in science or math, but I simply didn't have a great love for seeing how things worked the way most engineers I know seem to. I took apart a few toys as a kid, but mostly I was just happy to leave them put together and play with them. I learned enough about opening a computer to put in parts, but I never felt the desire to build one.
No, I was not an engineer. I hated the idea of being computer programmer, too, even though I had a gift for it. I loved math, and my high school coach desperately wanted me to follow in his footsteps and study that there. Math was something I loved in simplicity and at a basic level because I was good at it. I knew that studying the upper levels of it would likely change me - perhaps drive me to obsess about it like so many in that field. So I could not bring myself to major in math, either. Instead, having developed an interest in investing and financial planning, I decided to pursue a business degree. I still held some glimmer of hope that I could go to Tech, though, because I accepted their generous President's Scholarship to pursue my studies there.
I probably realized my mistake the first day on campus. I was given the wrong combination to my mailbox, and I wondered if it was a sign. At orientation, they gave their standard line "One in three of you won't be here at graduation, so if you look left and look right, one of them won't be here. If they're here, it'll be you." To my left was an empty seat, and to my right was a friend I knew was born for the place, so I quipped "I guess it's me!" Maybe it took me a few weeks to realize how true that joke would become. I finally admitted it somewhere in the middle of my second quarter. I did not belong at Tech. I probably could have found a place there, if anything about it had given me a reason to want to. But no, I fought for the money I was promised because of a computer error that never got fixed. I sat through classes that spent more time focusing on keeping the athletes on the fields and courts than on educating me about business. And I got asked every single day by someone, "Why are you here?" In the end, my answer varied between "I ask myself that every day" and "Don't worry, I won't be soon."
Following my brother had been wrong for me. I was not him, and like the eldest brother in Zanna's Gift learned, I could never be him. I had at least realized I did not want to follow in his exact path by then, but some part of me probably subconsciously wanted to fulfill his dream. I wrote a book in high school, then a book of poetry and another of short stories in college. I even went as far as finding a self-publisher to help me release my work in major book stores. Something stopped me, though, and I let that dream fade with time. Still, I thank my brother for providing me with such a great example to strive for throughout my education. That is probably why Zanna's Gift touched me so deeply. The death of one so special has a profound influence on the lives it touches. It need not be a sad one, either, but instead one that helps each of us cherish those who remain a little more. I know my brother's death did that for me and for my family. I hope it continues to do so for years to come, just as it did for the Pullmans.
-- Robert
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
The Little Things
Because of the uninvited Faye, we were not able to get my wife's instruments out until last night. Today, though, we should be out, and the house should be cleaned and ready for the new owners. The kids said goodbye. My daughter even gave it a hug (one of the posts in the entryway). I can tell she'll miss it, but amazingly, she's not screaming about it. A year or so ago, we casually mentioned the idea of selling and she flipped out. She did not want to leave our house, she loved our house. I was glad to know she enjoyed her home, but it made me worry as we embark on this journey if it would be hard for her to give up that house. She'll probably remember it as her first home, whereas her brother is more likely to remember where we go next that way. Amazingly, though, I think she somehow senses that our family is about to embark on an adventure, or she may even understand that Daddy has something he needs to accomplish. Whatever the case, she certainly likes to tell people that "We're selling our house 'cause Daddy's going back to school." She also likes to ask me, "Daddy, are you gonna be little again?" She's adorable, and she's handled all of these sudden changes in her life with relative calm. I'm proud of her.
I'm proud of my son, too, for the record, but he's not as emotional as her about the house. He's more adventurous than his sister, and I think he'll be pretty happy with whatever comes next. Meanwhile, he is busily growing up on us. My Dad and I were discussing last night how patient he can be in making sure we know what he's trying to point out. He'll say a word over and over and keep pointing until we pick up what he means. Then we'll tell him the what that object's name is (if he wasn't right to begin with, which he is more and more often) and give him a ruling on whether he can have it or not. It's amazing how fast he's gone from mostly sounds to lots of words. He is as much as sponge as his sister, though in different ways. I know one thing: I am glad they both love each other so much. My hope is they remain close that way throughout their lives. Right now, he adores her and wants to do what she wants to do, and most amazing of all he tries to make sure she gets what she needs. There was the time he even made sure she got what she needed when she was mean to him. He's a great little boy.
And to think, I started writing this post with the thoughts of casually mentioning the house, and then pointing out I turned in my first two applications in the last few days. Amazing how much more my kids can play the muse to my inner writer than some litany of facts. I love 'em.
-- Robert
I'm proud of my son, too, for the record, but he's not as emotional as her about the house. He's more adventurous than his sister, and I think he'll be pretty happy with whatever comes next. Meanwhile, he is busily growing up on us. My Dad and I were discussing last night how patient he can be in making sure we know what he's trying to point out. He'll say a word over and over and keep pointing until we pick up what he means. Then we'll tell him the what that object's name is (if he wasn't right to begin with, which he is more and more often) and give him a ruling on whether he can have it or not. It's amazing how fast he's gone from mostly sounds to lots of words. He is as much as sponge as his sister, though in different ways. I know one thing: I am glad they both love each other so much. My hope is they remain close that way throughout their lives. Right now, he adores her and wants to do what she wants to do, and most amazing of all he tries to make sure she gets what she needs. There was the time he even made sure she got what she needed when she was mean to him. He's a great little boy.
And to think, I started writing this post with the thoughts of casually mentioning the house, and then pointing out I turned in my first two applications in the last few days. Amazing how much more my kids can play the muse to my inner writer than some litany of facts. I love 'em.
-- Robert
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Awakenings, Hump Day Hmm
When I was in grade school, every new year the teacher for language arts would ask the class to write a story about their summer vacation, or something important in our lives. My mind immediately turned to November 26, 1986, every single time. At least until I was fourteen. During that year, I finally felt like I had captured the story, and I finally had a some sense of peace about that night, so I quit writing the same story over and over.
That was the night my world seemed to turn upside down. Before that night, I was a sensitive, sometimes bratty, but generally trusting little boy. I always knew I was safe, though, because my big brother won every "my big brother can... your big brother..." debate in my mind, so much so I rarely felt a need to engage in such exchanges as other children often did. My brother was brilliant, and he was strong as an ox. I used to do pull ups on his biceps. In my mind, he was invincible. I learned not to see anyone that way ever again that night, when my brother's life tragically ended.
I could mark time in my life after that by remembering if it was before 1986 or after, before the accident or after, before I became a somber little fellow or after. It wasn't long after that when I received my first "little old man" label. I became extremely aware of my own and others' mortality. I also felt a great sense for many years that I must live up to my brother's great example. He wanted to be a science fiction writer, so he went to Georgia Tech to study engineering. He died as a freshman just before completing his fall term. So for years I planned to study engineering, as my sister also did. I knew that it wasn't for me by high school, though, and instead felt I couldn't go to Georgia Tech because I wanted to study the law or business. Then Georgia Tech came calling me. They offered me a great scholarship, along with certain privileges and rights, and they told me about how much money had just been invested in their business school by the founder of Applebee's to help it become a great college in that field. It was too hard to turn away from a school I had always loved and admired, so I matriculated.
Ever heard "the check's in the mail"? Well, apparently Georgia Tech believed that line when they went ahead and changed to the Dupree School of Management, because Mr. Dupree had not actually given them money - he instead gave them options that became almost immediately devalued and therefore essentially worthless. They might as well have agreed to the name change in exchange for a pile of free dinner coupons that were already expired. I learned all of these details only months after I was already attending what I came to call the "Preschool of Management" (that was, after all, how they seemed to answer their phones - call them sometime for a laugh). I sat among many of Georgia Tech's finest - and not so "finest" - athletes, attempting to glean from the experience just how I was supposed to learn enough to get a job. After I heard the second story of "Yeah, my best friend got a job as a Walmart manager after he graduated from here, so I'm hoping he can get me on there." I became somewhat concerned. I was not feeling at all challenged by my courses, having aced my first two quarters. The only difficulty I had was not wanting to set my dorm on fire because of all the morons inside who treated me so terribly. I found out only later that most of them would not last at Tech because they were the ones for whom this orientation speech was intended, "Look to your left, and look to your right. One of those two students won't be here at graduation. If it's not one of them, then it's you." When I heard it, I looked to one side at my roommate, who I knew would kill himself before leaving, and to the other at an empty chair and quipped "I guess it'll be me!" It was.
Leaving the school I had cheered for from such a young age, realizing I could (and should) no longer chase my brother's ghost - that became my second awakening. I was now older than him. I had achieved more, in a way, or at least achieved different things. He and I were not that much alike in the end. Somehow losing that "rabbit" to chase crushed me for a time. I dragged my way through two more years of school, taking a demanding schedule and not committing myself to it like I knew I could and should. Still, I graduated and embarked on another step in life my brother would never reach - working life.
I worked for several years, first in sales, then in safety, and eventually in general management of my company before deciding I felt there was something else for me. I prayed about it, and I studied for the GMAT, and I took the test. As I've written about previously on this blog, I received a strong answer to my prayer that let me know I was indeed meant to return to school. In my time preparing for school and then attending, I had another awakening. I realized that I could move to places outside of Georgia. I could pursue the girl of my dreams. I could imagine a reason to get a Ph.D. I could do something completely different from what I had done before. My eyes were open to a whole new world of opportunity.
And I nearly let the view of that opportunity grow dim in the years that followed. I got married to that wonderful girl, and I did move out west for a time, but the need to make a living superseded any ideas of chasing dreams. I went back to work for the company I left before graduate school, and I took on many of the same duties. I'd like to think a lot of the policies I'd changed before I left help the company grow to new heights during the period of my return. The company also learned a lot of hard lessons along the way as well, though. Now, having come through many different trials, the company has again found its way to a future of hope. I have enjoyed nurturing it along the way, but then a few months ago, I had a great conversation with my best friend. In a way, it was like breathing in smelling salts, because the fog was suddenly lifted again.
I knew I could go on and do well in my business for years to come, but I knew again that there was something else out there I must pursue. I again prayed and studied for the GMAT, and I again received the same confirmation that I should go back to school. In a way, all of my previous awakenings seem to have led up to this one, as I wrote in this post. Now I see what my life's work is meant to be, especially after my trip to California. I also believe I needed to take each step along the way to give myself the chance to learn and grow as a person. Hopefully I will be a better researcher and professor one day as a result.
-- Robert
P.S.: In reading back over this post, it clearly goes beyond the scope of one year or event as suggested by the Hump Day Hmm, but I just couldn't bring myself to write a story only about 1986. As I said in the beginning of the post, I've written that story half a dozen times at least. So instead I wrote about the journey of awakenings I have experienced, beginning at the earliest one which made me so very self-aware at a young age.
That was the night my world seemed to turn upside down. Before that night, I was a sensitive, sometimes bratty, but generally trusting little boy. I always knew I was safe, though, because my big brother won every "my big brother can... your big brother..." debate in my mind, so much so I rarely felt a need to engage in such exchanges as other children often did. My brother was brilliant, and he was strong as an ox. I used to do pull ups on his biceps. In my mind, he was invincible. I learned not to see anyone that way ever again that night, when my brother's life tragically ended.
I could mark time in my life after that by remembering if it was before 1986 or after, before the accident or after, before I became a somber little fellow or after. It wasn't long after that when I received my first "little old man" label. I became extremely aware of my own and others' mortality. I also felt a great sense for many years that I must live up to my brother's great example. He wanted to be a science fiction writer, so he went to Georgia Tech to study engineering. He died as a freshman just before completing his fall term. So for years I planned to study engineering, as my sister also did. I knew that it wasn't for me by high school, though, and instead felt I couldn't go to Georgia Tech because I wanted to study the law or business. Then Georgia Tech came calling me. They offered me a great scholarship, along with certain privileges and rights, and they told me about how much money had just been invested in their business school by the founder of Applebee's to help it become a great college in that field. It was too hard to turn away from a school I had always loved and admired, so I matriculated.
Ever heard "the check's in the mail"? Well, apparently Georgia Tech believed that line when they went ahead and changed to the Dupree School of Management, because Mr. Dupree had not actually given them money - he instead gave them options that became almost immediately devalued and therefore essentially worthless. They might as well have agreed to the name change in exchange for a pile of free dinner coupons that were already expired. I learned all of these details only months after I was already attending what I came to call the "Preschool of Management" (that was, after all, how they seemed to answer their phones - call them sometime for a laugh). I sat among many of Georgia Tech's finest - and not so "finest" - athletes, attempting to glean from the experience just how I was supposed to learn enough to get a job. After I heard the second story of "Yeah, my best friend got a job as a Walmart manager after he graduated from here, so I'm hoping he can get me on there." I became somewhat concerned. I was not feeling at all challenged by my courses, having aced my first two quarters. The only difficulty I had was not wanting to set my dorm on fire because of all the morons inside who treated me so terribly. I found out only later that most of them would not last at Tech because they were the ones for whom this orientation speech was intended, "Look to your left, and look to your right. One of those two students won't be here at graduation. If it's not one of them, then it's you." When I heard it, I looked to one side at my roommate, who I knew would kill himself before leaving, and to the other at an empty chair and quipped "I guess it'll be me!" It was.
Leaving the school I had cheered for from such a young age, realizing I could (and should) no longer chase my brother's ghost - that became my second awakening. I was now older than him. I had achieved more, in a way, or at least achieved different things. He and I were not that much alike in the end. Somehow losing that "rabbit" to chase crushed me for a time. I dragged my way through two more years of school, taking a demanding schedule and not committing myself to it like I knew I could and should. Still, I graduated and embarked on another step in life my brother would never reach - working life.
I worked for several years, first in sales, then in safety, and eventually in general management of my company before deciding I felt there was something else for me. I prayed about it, and I studied for the GMAT, and I took the test. As I've written about previously on this blog, I received a strong answer to my prayer that let me know I was indeed meant to return to school. In my time preparing for school and then attending, I had another awakening. I realized that I could move to places outside of Georgia. I could pursue the girl of my dreams. I could imagine a reason to get a Ph.D. I could do something completely different from what I had done before. My eyes were open to a whole new world of opportunity.
And I nearly let the view of that opportunity grow dim in the years that followed. I got married to that wonderful girl, and I did move out west for a time, but the need to make a living superseded any ideas of chasing dreams. I went back to work for the company I left before graduate school, and I took on many of the same duties. I'd like to think a lot of the policies I'd changed before I left help the company grow to new heights during the period of my return. The company also learned a lot of hard lessons along the way as well, though. Now, having come through many different trials, the company has again found its way to a future of hope. I have enjoyed nurturing it along the way, but then a few months ago, I had a great conversation with my best friend. In a way, it was like breathing in smelling salts, because the fog was suddenly lifted again.
I knew I could go on and do well in my business for years to come, but I knew again that there was something else out there I must pursue. I again prayed and studied for the GMAT, and I again received the same confirmation that I should go back to school. In a way, all of my previous awakenings seem to have led up to this one, as I wrote in this post. Now I see what my life's work is meant to be, especially after my trip to California. I also believe I needed to take each step along the way to give myself the chance to learn and grow as a person. Hopefully I will be a better researcher and professor one day as a result.
-- Robert
P.S.: In reading back over this post, it clearly goes beyond the scope of one year or event as suggested by the Hump Day Hmm, but I just couldn't bring myself to write a story only about 1986. As I said in the beginning of the post, I've written that story half a dozen times at least. So instead I wrote about the journey of awakenings I have experienced, beginning at the earliest one which made me so very self-aware at a young age.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Split Personality
My last post, which was written late at night in a moment of inspiration (or perhaps insanity), had a lot of comments relating to my being an introvert. I really found that revelation fascinating because it had been so long since I really considered that a possibility. When I first took personality tests, I almost always scored right on the line between introvert and extrovert, and I think I know why. The questions to determine those aspects of personality misled my response. Am I comfortable in a crowd? Yes. But I am more comfortable in a group of people where I know everyone. The thing is, growing up, I knew a lot of my classmates and a lot more people knew me, so I had very little trouble getting to know new people. In simple terms, I could be an introvert with a broader group of people I was comfortable around. I was accepted in many groups, even if I lacked the "qualifications" (I was not in the band, but could hang out with band members), but I was never really a particular part of any group except the nerds (which is often just a group of outcasts from others anyway). I should have taken some of these things as clues to my introversion, but it really did not occur to me in an obvious way. I like to keep details of my life to myself, for the most part, except with people I consider close friends or family. How have I gone so long and not noticed that aspect of my nature as one of my most introverted qualities?
I have always thought of myself as perceptive regarding other people's personalities and talents, and yet I have remained oblivious to my own overarching introversion. As some of my replies to people show, I realize now why I probably thought of myself as an extrovert for so long. My father taught me from a young age that being outgoing plays a big role in being successful. He observed that accountants with less talent often rose faster through the ranks of a firm because they became friendly with the partners. He endeavored to become more outgoing, and I would say he achieved it. Yet, he is still clearly a natural introvert. I appreciated the need to act the part of the extrovert because my father admired or acknowledged the value of being one, but I neglected to remember it was not my nature. Should I suddenly change how I live my life dramatically because of what I have learned? Not really. I think it just helps me appreciate what I want better, and what makes me happy, because I understand myself more. I can't go back and live my life over, but going forward I can live the way that helps me enjoy what I encounter. I will probably make better choices in my career, my friends, and just my social calendar. Maybe I'll even do a better job of raising my kids, knowing how my own father's statements shaped my own worldview.
-- Robert
I have always thought of myself as perceptive regarding other people's personalities and talents, and yet I have remained oblivious to my own overarching introversion. As some of my replies to people show, I realize now why I probably thought of myself as an extrovert for so long. My father taught me from a young age that being outgoing plays a big role in being successful. He observed that accountants with less talent often rose faster through the ranks of a firm because they became friendly with the partners. He endeavored to become more outgoing, and I would say he achieved it. Yet, he is still clearly a natural introvert. I appreciated the need to act the part of the extrovert because my father admired or acknowledged the value of being one, but I neglected to remember it was not my nature. Should I suddenly change how I live my life dramatically because of what I have learned? Not really. I think it just helps me appreciate what I want better, and what makes me happy, because I understand myself more. I can't go back and live my life over, but going forward I can live the way that helps me enjoy what I encounter. I will probably make better choices in my career, my friends, and just my social calendar. Maybe I'll even do a better job of raising my kids, knowing how my own father's statements shaped my own worldview.
-- Robert
Thursday, May 15, 2008
To Mediocrity Or Not to Mediocrity, There Is No Try
When I look at the world today, I find a lot of people who accept less. They accept that the waiter will regularly mess up their order. They accept that the store clerk will not be able to help them find the product they want (let alone explain the differences between two similar models). I have certainly found myself expecting to be met with mediocre service so often that exemplary service openly surprises me. People who go out of their way to do a great job seem so very rare anymore. I find it all very unfortunate. None of my comments are to suggest that I am not just as guilty of being satisfied with just doing my job in many cases, but I have definitely been known to take pride in surprising people with my work ethic, the speed with which I serve them, or the quality of my work. I prefer to work hard over "punching in" most of the time, but I do not like to put in long hours for the sake of appearances. I want my time spent at the office to have meaning, otherwise I would just rather spend that time with my family and friends in personal pursuits.
I felt compelled to write this post after Julie's post on "walking out of stride" and Melissa's post about teachers who don't measure up. I am sure the thoughts from the funeral mentioned in my Home Again post also have a bearing on where this post is headed. Simply put, I am tired of hearing the words "that will never happen" or "that's just the way of things" in reference to how far the world has gone into accepting inadequacies and mediocrity from leaders, from governments, from businesses, and from individuals. Why can't things get better? Why can't I expect my order at a fast food restaurant to be timely and accurate? Why can't I expect tech support that is actually helpful? Why can't I expect Hollywood to come up with an original movie that is both entertaining and family friendly? Why can't I expect the government to start managing spending wisely instead of simply bleeding more and more Americans dry? That list can go on forever, and that's exactly my point. We have grown accustomed to mistreatment from, or at least inadequacies of those who we come in contact with.
Where do I believe a lot of these concessions originate? I think a lot of them come right out of the feel-good movement in education and government. Students are all supposed to feel good about themselves and their work because we don't want bad grades to cause them stress or embarassment. We don't want people to feel like America has left them out, so we make sure they get a lot of the benefits they want, regardless of whether they're contributing to society. Our culture is built on mitigating suffering and struggle. Sometimes struggling can be the very best thing for a person. I can't count the number of millionaires (or even billionaires) whose life stories point out how important a failing grade or a failed venture was to their eventual success. By realizing they needed to step up their effort to measure up in the world, they began to adapt and grow. If we spend so much time trying to pad the landing of a student while they're coming up, then that child will be shocked when the world slaps him in the face.
As I explain to people when they observe me ignoring (or responding without providing any benefits) a tantrum from my children, I would rather they learn now that they can't have everything they want just because they want it so I'm not standing at a car dealership listening to a whining sixteen year-old saying "But Dad, why can't I have the BMW?" Likewise, I don't automatically accept that my children's success in a small measure is the end of their effort. What if they did the first problems on all their tests in school really well and turned them in? I know what happened to me when I didn't notice the backside of my first quiz on a college campus. I got a failing grade. That grade helped me focus my attention, and I still made an A in the class. If the teacher had said, "That's okay, don't worry about it." and then let me slide by, I might not have worked as hard to assure my success in that class. I want to raise my children to understand they can be whatever they want, but their efforts have to follow those desires or those wants are simply pipe dreams.
As they said in Remember the Titans, "Attitude reflects leadership." I for one want to lead my children by showing them they should work hard, do their best, and seek out opportunities to learn. I also expect them to learn that going beyond the classroom assignment, beyond the job description, and beyond the call of duty will get them a lot farther in life than simply towing the line ever will. If more people would get back to expecting more from each other, maybe this country and this world would begin to repair a lot of its own problems.
-- Robert
Title explanation: For anyone who thinks the title is silly, well, at least you're not accepting mediocrity from me. I mixed a little Shakespeare (To be or not to be) with a touch of Yoda (Do or do not, there is no try) to come up with my ridiculous title for this post.
I felt compelled to write this post after Julie's post on "walking out of stride" and Melissa's post about teachers who don't measure up. I am sure the thoughts from the funeral mentioned in my Home Again post also have a bearing on where this post is headed. Simply put, I am tired of hearing the words "that will never happen" or "that's just the way of things" in reference to how far the world has gone into accepting inadequacies and mediocrity from leaders, from governments, from businesses, and from individuals. Why can't things get better? Why can't I expect my order at a fast food restaurant to be timely and accurate? Why can't I expect tech support that is actually helpful? Why can't I expect Hollywood to come up with an original movie that is both entertaining and family friendly? Why can't I expect the government to start managing spending wisely instead of simply bleeding more and more Americans dry? That list can go on forever, and that's exactly my point. We have grown accustomed to mistreatment from, or at least inadequacies of those who we come in contact with.
Where do I believe a lot of these concessions originate? I think a lot of them come right out of the feel-good movement in education and government. Students are all supposed to feel good about themselves and their work because we don't want bad grades to cause them stress or embarassment. We don't want people to feel like America has left them out, so we make sure they get a lot of the benefits they want, regardless of whether they're contributing to society. Our culture is built on mitigating suffering and struggle. Sometimes struggling can be the very best thing for a person. I can't count the number of millionaires (or even billionaires) whose life stories point out how important a failing grade or a failed venture was to their eventual success. By realizing they needed to step up their effort to measure up in the world, they began to adapt and grow. If we spend so much time trying to pad the landing of a student while they're coming up, then that child will be shocked when the world slaps him in the face.
As I explain to people when they observe me ignoring (or responding without providing any benefits) a tantrum from my children, I would rather they learn now that they can't have everything they want just because they want it so I'm not standing at a car dealership listening to a whining sixteen year-old saying "But Dad, why can't I have the BMW?" Likewise, I don't automatically accept that my children's success in a small measure is the end of their effort. What if they did the first problems on all their tests in school really well and turned them in? I know what happened to me when I didn't notice the backside of my first quiz on a college campus. I got a failing grade. That grade helped me focus my attention, and I still made an A in the class. If the teacher had said, "That's okay, don't worry about it." and then let me slide by, I might not have worked as hard to assure my success in that class. I want to raise my children to understand they can be whatever they want, but their efforts have to follow those desires or those wants are simply pipe dreams.
As they said in Remember the Titans, "Attitude reflects leadership." I for one want to lead my children by showing them they should work hard, do their best, and seek out opportunities to learn. I also expect them to learn that going beyond the classroom assignment, beyond the job description, and beyond the call of duty will get them a lot farther in life than simply towing the line ever will. If more people would get back to expecting more from each other, maybe this country and this world would begin to repair a lot of its own problems.
-- Robert
Title explanation: For anyone who thinks the title is silly, well, at least you're not accepting mediocrity from me. I mixed a little Shakespeare (To be or not to be) with a touch of Yoda (Do or do not, there is no try) to come up with my ridiculous title for this post.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Parental Pride
Last night, I felt like I might've done a good job teaching my son, but I realize it was really him teaching me something. My daughter, sweet as she is 99% of the time, was in the midst of a fit. She did not want to leave my parents' house, but really it was just her being really tired and needing to get to bed. When she gets that tired, she has a tendency to pitch a monster fit, and lately I've been working hard to combat them in a more communicative way instead of previous methods. Unfortunately, walking down the street in a double stroller is not as conducive as strapping her into a car seat and telling her when she's done screaming and calm I will be ready to listen to her. In the stroller, she has a victim, namely her little brother. if I had been more thoughtful to him, I would have strapped her in the front so she could not kick him, but I was trying to keep her from jumping out and running back inside in the hopes of getting grandma to help her. But, because I was thoughtless, my poor son got kicked in the back several times before I could stop her feet. I did get her to stop, but only after he was sad and perhaps a little scared. Still, I got them both home with no injuries, and I put her straight into bed once she stopped screaming. I had no plans to sit with her or give her anything to drink at that point because she had been so mean to her brother.
My son had other plans, though. I tried to give him a bottle, but he kept saying "no no." I asked if he wanted milk and he said "yep" as he does when he's ready for one, but he shook his head when I offered it to him. Finally after several attempts to understand I asked, "Do you want to give sister her milk?" and he nodded and said "Yep." So I poured some into her sippy cup and handed it to him and he ran in to his sister to give it to her. Here is a little boy who has been kicked in the back and had to endure a screaming fit, and yet his concern was to take care of his big sister when he knew she needed comfort. That is love. That is compassion. That is forgiveness. What a beautiful example my son showed me last night. If only I could, if we all could be so kind to those who have wronged us. I hope and pray he keeps that kind heart. I know this world has a habit of beating down people like him, but he's a tough kid. Maybe, just maybe, he'll endure the trials and show the world. Here's hoping.
-- Robert
P.S.: For the record, he did take his own bottle after his sister got something to drink. I used his example to teach her, too, about how wonderful a brother she has and how much she should appreciate what he did for her. She thanked him with a hug, a "thank you", and a "sorry, baby brother."
My son had other plans, though. I tried to give him a bottle, but he kept saying "no no." I asked if he wanted milk and he said "yep" as he does when he's ready for one, but he shook his head when I offered it to him. Finally after several attempts to understand I asked, "Do you want to give sister her milk?" and he nodded and said "Yep." So I poured some into her sippy cup and handed it to him and he ran in to his sister to give it to her. Here is a little boy who has been kicked in the back and had to endure a screaming fit, and yet his concern was to take care of his big sister when he knew she needed comfort. That is love. That is compassion. That is forgiveness. What a beautiful example my son showed me last night. If only I could, if we all could be so kind to those who have wronged us. I hope and pray he keeps that kind heart. I know this world has a habit of beating down people like him, but he's a tough kid. Maybe, just maybe, he'll endure the trials and show the world. Here's hoping.
-- Robert
P.S.: For the record, he did take his own bottle after his sister got something to drink. I used his example to teach her, too, about how wonderful a brother she has and how much she should appreciate what he did for her. She thanked him with a hug, a "thank you", and a "sorry, baby brother."
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Where Do I Go From Here
In reading this post, I felt a need to write about a subject near and dear to me. Because my mother did it for a about a decade, I have enjoyed helping young people choose careers, and then choose courses of study to get them there. So often they do it in reverse "I want to study political science, and then I'll go into politics." I encourage them to look at people who hold the job they most want and see if their planned degree fits. Very few politicians have a degree in political science - except those lawyers who got it to get into law school. Instead the political science majors are those who run errands for the elected officials. Those who actually hold the office generally got there from some other career first, and rightly so. By bringing other life experience into the political realm, they know better how to shape the law to fit the real world.
Others want to walk out of college into their dream job. "I want to make commercials, so I'm getting a marketing degree." The marketing degree will help in the long-run, but most marketing jobs follow a stint in sales or some other area. I had a great friend from high school who refused to take a sales job after college because she wanted to go straight into marketing. She just couldn't understand why none of them would hire her without experience. Several temp jobs later, she finally got a job at a public relations firm doing something akin to what she wanted.
Most often, though, I find young people just don't know what they want to do. They're interested in a subject, so they study that, or they simply have no idea what they want, so they go to college to "find" themselves. Six years, three majors, and many dollars later, they have found their calling in life, or Mom and Dad are calling on them to do so. For those who truly have no idea, or simply haven't thought about it, I encourage them to take an interest survey, which are usually offered at their high school (I've list a couple at the bottom of this post that I found in a quick search). One young lady I was talking to last summer about what accounting involves got very interested. Then she took one of the surveys and saw "actuary" on the list of possible careers. After researching it, she fell in love with it (please reserve judgment, some people really do love statistics), and now she's headed to college with a clear goal in mind.
The main reason it worries me to when a student doesn't have a clear picture of where they want to go is because there are plenty of people on a college campus who will try to put a picture there. As one friend told me about his wife's English degree, he felt certain that the profressor who convinced her to get it had probably been given a charge by his dean to get more people into the major the day or week before he talked to her. Profressors can influence an open mind, advisors can suggest courses to a wayward spirit, and in the end, a lot of tuition money can be spent in the process of following someone else's idea of what to do.
In my case, I went to college with a clear idea of what I wanted, and I signed up to talk to an advisor to get suggestions on how to schedule all the courses I wanted so I could complete three sequences in my management degree. He was so baffled by a first quarter freshman actually coming to see him that he actually asked "Why are you here?" It was so uncommon for people in his program to know what they wanted, he did not know how to handle me. So, I transferred (for that and many other reasons) to a program I felt would help me accomplish my goal to work in the field of finance. I changed majors to accounting, knowing it would give me a good background for business regardless of what career I wanted. My first term there, my advisor told me to take a certain class, despite my not having the pre-requisite courses. Every term after that our discussion started with, "Well, you'll need to take this course over, since you didn't have the pre-req's for the course." I quickly explained each time that she needed to fix that because it was on her advice that I took it. To her credit, she always did, but she never remembered it until I reminded her. I had a specific set of courses I had to complete to get out of school on my schedule - two more years - so I sat down and wrote out a complete two year schedule of what courses I should take to make sure I completed them in order. Each term I went to my advisor, I took my list with me and she expressed her concern about how heavy a load I had planned, but then she signed off on it so I could register. The last term there, I went to her because the last management class I had on my list was being taught by someone who expected a huge project and a massive paper coordinated with twenty other students. I wanted to know an alternative, and she told me I didn't have to take the class since they had broadened the allowance of courses to fulfill that requirement in my program. Since I had already taken enough of the alternative courses to meet the requirement, I could take an elective (quite a novelty for me, since I had not really chosen more than two courses on my own since arriving there) in whatever area of business I wanted. I registered but I'm not sure what I chose, though, because she met me in the hall a couple of hours later and casually informed me "Oh, I was confused. The graduation requirements I mentioned were for the people graduating next year. You still have to take that class." Again, I let her know that it was time to find a solution because the class had already filled up and I could not get in to take it now. She was rattled, but she rallied to come up with the idea of taking it independent study. I finished the class in six weeks instead of fifteen, giving me a much more leisurely semester to finish school instead of sweating over the project in the first class I registered for.
The lesson I took away from my college experience is that even the best laid plans can be thwarted by an ignorant advisor. My best friend had a similar story to mine, despite him being in a completely different college at the same university, so I know it is not an uncommon one. The difference between us and so many others is that we stood up for ourselves. Many young people are too compliant to realize they should, or too ignorant to realize they can. So I advise anyone heading to college to have a plan. Plans can change - mine certainly did and does - but having one at all can at least focus effort and achieve greater results.
I advise anyone in life to have some sort of a plan for what they want. A lot of people will happily tell them what to do, and they might find themselves in a job they hate one day wondering what happened. It's no wonder to me that so many people seem miserable in this country. Meeting someone with a clear idea of their goals and a plan to achieve them, though, can be intoxicating. So often driven people exude charisma, perhaps because it is so rare to find someone who knows what they want. Wouldn't it be nice to be one of those individuals, instead of being impressed by them?
Here's the list of surveys I found:
http://www.edonline.com/collegecompass/carhlp2.htm
http://www.careerclusters.org/ccinterestsurvey.php
http://www.careerkey.org/asp/your_personality/take_test.asp?action=choices
I am sure there are others, and I can't vouch for these, since I haven't taken them. I do think taking them can be helpful, though, especially for anyone unsure of a career path.
-- Robert
Editor's Note: I could not figure out a good place to work in this suggestion, which is to do what my Dad claims he did. He read a poster in the science building that said "Careers with a Future" and Accounting was listed first, so that's what he changed his major to (from English). Now a dozen accountants are in our family, but he was the first. Sometimes choosing a new path can lead a whole family to a better and brighter future.
Others want to walk out of college into their dream job. "I want to make commercials, so I'm getting a marketing degree." The marketing degree will help in the long-run, but most marketing jobs follow a stint in sales or some other area. I had a great friend from high school who refused to take a sales job after college because she wanted to go straight into marketing. She just couldn't understand why none of them would hire her without experience. Several temp jobs later, she finally got a job at a public relations firm doing something akin to what she wanted.
Most often, though, I find young people just don't know what they want to do. They're interested in a subject, so they study that, or they simply have no idea what they want, so they go to college to "find" themselves. Six years, three majors, and many dollars later, they have found their calling in life, or Mom and Dad are calling on them to do so. For those who truly have no idea, or simply haven't thought about it, I encourage them to take an interest survey, which are usually offered at their high school (I've list a couple at the bottom of this post that I found in a quick search). One young lady I was talking to last summer about what accounting involves got very interested. Then she took one of the surveys and saw "actuary" on the list of possible careers. After researching it, she fell in love with it (please reserve judgment, some people really do love statistics), and now she's headed to college with a clear goal in mind.
The main reason it worries me to when a student doesn't have a clear picture of where they want to go is because there are plenty of people on a college campus who will try to put a picture there. As one friend told me about his wife's English degree, he felt certain that the profressor who convinced her to get it had probably been given a charge by his dean to get more people into the major the day or week before he talked to her. Profressors can influence an open mind, advisors can suggest courses to a wayward spirit, and in the end, a lot of tuition money can be spent in the process of following someone else's idea of what to do.
In my case, I went to college with a clear idea of what I wanted, and I signed up to talk to an advisor to get suggestions on how to schedule all the courses I wanted so I could complete three sequences in my management degree. He was so baffled by a first quarter freshman actually coming to see him that he actually asked "Why are you here?" It was so uncommon for people in his program to know what they wanted, he did not know how to handle me. So, I transferred (for that and many other reasons) to a program I felt would help me accomplish my goal to work in the field of finance. I changed majors to accounting, knowing it would give me a good background for business regardless of what career I wanted. My first term there, my advisor told me to take a certain class, despite my not having the pre-requisite courses. Every term after that our discussion started with, "Well, you'll need to take this course over, since you didn't have the pre-req's for the course." I quickly explained each time that she needed to fix that because it was on her advice that I took it. To her credit, she always did, but she never remembered it until I reminded her. I had a specific set of courses I had to complete to get out of school on my schedule - two more years - so I sat down and wrote out a complete two year schedule of what courses I should take to make sure I completed them in order. Each term I went to my advisor, I took my list with me and she expressed her concern about how heavy a load I had planned, but then she signed off on it so I could register. The last term there, I went to her because the last management class I had on my list was being taught by someone who expected a huge project and a massive paper coordinated with twenty other students. I wanted to know an alternative, and she told me I didn't have to take the class since they had broadened the allowance of courses to fulfill that requirement in my program. Since I had already taken enough of the alternative courses to meet the requirement, I could take an elective (quite a novelty for me, since I had not really chosen more than two courses on my own since arriving there) in whatever area of business I wanted. I registered but I'm not sure what I chose, though, because she met me in the hall a couple of hours later and casually informed me "Oh, I was confused. The graduation requirements I mentioned were for the people graduating next year. You still have to take that class." Again, I let her know that it was time to find a solution because the class had already filled up and I could not get in to take it now. She was rattled, but she rallied to come up with the idea of taking it independent study. I finished the class in six weeks instead of fifteen, giving me a much more leisurely semester to finish school instead of sweating over the project in the first class I registered for.
The lesson I took away from my college experience is that even the best laid plans can be thwarted by an ignorant advisor. My best friend had a similar story to mine, despite him being in a completely different college at the same university, so I know it is not an uncommon one. The difference between us and so many others is that we stood up for ourselves. Many young people are too compliant to realize they should, or too ignorant to realize they can. So I advise anyone heading to college to have a plan. Plans can change - mine certainly did and does - but having one at all can at least focus effort and achieve greater results.
I advise anyone in life to have some sort of a plan for what they want. A lot of people will happily tell them what to do, and they might find themselves in a job they hate one day wondering what happened. It's no wonder to me that so many people seem miserable in this country. Meeting someone with a clear idea of their goals and a plan to achieve them, though, can be intoxicating. So often driven people exude charisma, perhaps because it is so rare to find someone who knows what they want. Wouldn't it be nice to be one of those individuals, instead of being impressed by them?
Here's the list of surveys I found:
http://www.edonline.com/collegecompass/carhlp2.htm
http://www.careerclusters.org/ccinterestsurvey.php
http://www.careerkey.org/asp/your_personality/take_test.asp?action=choices
I am sure there are others, and I can't vouch for these, since I haven't taken them. I do think taking them can be helpful, though, especially for anyone unsure of a career path.
-- Robert
Editor's Note: I could not figure out a good place to work in this suggestion, which is to do what my Dad claims he did. He read a poster in the science building that said "Careers with a Future" and Accounting was listed first, so that's what he changed his major to (from English). Now a dozen accountants are in our family, but he was the first. Sometimes choosing a new path can lead a whole family to a better and brighter future.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Relaxing Day
Today I'm at home with my kids, just relaxing. We're going to the park later if it has stopped raining, or to a museum or store if it hasn't. They were very good last night when I took them appliance shopping, and it makes me want to take them to the park even more than I already did. So, no time for much more of a post than this one. My kids are more fun than staring at a computer screen for one more minute.
-- Robert
-- Robert
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Behind the Scenes - Managing Leadership Roles
This post was inspired by Melissa at Taking What Is Left, whose post yesterday discussed the differences between boys and girls in school. I want to write about how I have managed leadership roles as a follower and a leader in my past, and a couple of those experiences deal directly with gender-related topics.
Many men I have worked with in life prefer to lead. They seek after important positions on teams - forward of the soccer team, point guard of the basketball team, quarterback of the football team, captain of any team. They seek recognition in the classroom - highest grade on a test, STAR Student, valedictorian. They seek after recognition in their business - promotions, important assignments, being "boss", titles with C-O or President in them. They seek after recognition in community groups - chairman of a political party, president of a social club, chairman of a fundraising effort, deacon of a church. They seek after public office. They lead from the front whenever possible. First into the fray, top dog, head of the class, alpha male. They are revered by many around them, hated by some, feared in some cases, but almost always respected for their talent or charisma (or both) in some regard. Not all of these men are born to lead, but most of them definitely aspire to it.
I have certainly encountered many women who want to lead as well. Some of the most dynamic leaders I have worked with have been women. One such leader took a high school Interact Club which had formerly been comprised of about ten members and grew it to over 100 members in one year. She did it by word of mouth, recruiting her friends and getting them to recruit their friends, and by being warm and inviting to anyone interested in the club at all. I think she shaped the future leaders of that group as well, because the president who followed her led it in a very different way than she had presided over the Key Club the year before (which still only had ten members when she was done being president). She built an organization that became a cornerstone of the high school in the years that followed, and one that became an important part of recognition at graduation, as members who worked enough hours of service received a rope to wear with their robes.
I realize the last paragraph did not parallel the one before very well, but I have also had somewhat less experience with seeing women seek after leadership roles. Because I have a fairly broad range of experience, I feel reasonably confident in saying that women are less inclined to seek top leadership positions in general, but there are definitely those who want to lead. Some are, as the one I described, compassionate leaders who inspire. Many, especially those in politics and business, built their careers on a reputation of bone crushing and ball breaking, emulating the men in those fields but outdoing them in that way. I have certainly known compassionate female politicians, like the current State School Superintendent of Georgia and my former State Representative from my hometown. I have seen compassionate bosses in the corporate world, at least in articles I have read. But again, my experience shows me that in general men are more often driven to lead from the front than women. Women regularly assume the roles of party or club secretary, vice president of public affairs, and other supporting offices that are not number one. The first female chair of the Georgia Republican Party was just elected last year, and most people would probably agree she received the position because she had earned it by serving in so many offices of support before being chair. I have a tremendous amount of respect for women who do so much of the work of so many organizations and get so little credit because they are not the one whose name is mentioned first. The same goes for men who choose supporting roles, but I find more of them seem to take those roles in the hopes of one day being on top, while many of the women are quite happy being reelected year after year to serve in supporting roles - or they simply support without any office recognition at all.
I have held many positions of leadership. President of clubs and men's groups, captain of several teams, treasurer of a political party, vice president of several social clubs, counselor to the leader of my local church, and president of my company. I might say I have experience in leadership, certainly for someone as young as I am (I still think of myself as young in general). One of the things I most prefer to do, though, is to identify leaders and encourage a group to follow them. I have handpicked numerous officers of various clubs, encouraged peers to enter politics (yes, I admit it is shameful to wish such a thing on anyone), and selected leaders to head social organizations I have started. I know there is a huge amount of work involved in being at the head of any group, and I would rather help those who want the job to achieve it by being part of their support group than to be the leader myself.
In graduate school, I personally chose to follow two women in two different teams because I felt they were the best to lead their projects, and I personally picked two men to lead two clubs I organized because they were uniquely suited to guide those clubs.
The first team leader I chose because I liked her project and it was hers by virtue of her forming the idea, namely to start a Hispanic movie theater in Atlanta. She knew the market from having grown up in that community in Atlanta, and she had identified a perfect location that was available in the heart of most Hispanic part of the city. She obviously had passion for the project because she wanted it to truly happen. I knew my experience with accounting would be an asset to her team because she was a public affairs specialist by degree, and her teammate had a background in journalism. I helped another classmate who was an excellent fact finder, data miner, and data analyzer decide to join the team, and we made a wonderful project. I came within a few signatures of actually starting that business after graduate school, but the project fell through when the movie supplier reneged on his promise to supply first-run blockbusters to our theater. Instead my teammate and I (her original teammate was "fired" from the group by both of us and my friend left because we had what we needed from him) wished each other well and both got married that summer, moving away to different cities.
The second team leader I chose to follow was one who I felt had the best chance to lead a team we were assigned to by our teachers. She had experience in consulting, and it was our job to work on a project consulting with a county school district in the Atlanta area on whether or not they should centralize food production into one facility in their district. I wanted to do a quality job, and her experience in handling consulting jobs would be key to making sure we broke up th project into logical parts. I also knew that the other female on our team would want to lead (I knew her personality) and I would not have wanted to work for her nearly as much. It was clear from the outset that none of the three men on the team would want to be project manager, so I quickly endorsed the experienced consultant within five minutes of our first meeting. Our project was highlighted in the school magazine for what we were doing (at least in part because we were helping a school district, but hopefully because we did a good job) and we gave the district leaders a lot to think about.
The two men I chose to head the clubs were pretty different, but both ambitious to lead. The president of the Terry MBA Toastmasters had a lot of friends, got along well with people, and had a passion to become better as a public speaker. I knew he would encourage many of our classmates to join the club, despite the fact that it meant more work on top of a very busy class schedule. To my knowledge, that club lived on because his presidency formed a succession that a second-year student would always be president, and a first-year student would always follow him so the club would never go without leadership through the summers and after graduation. The other young man I chose made sense to me because he had experience in ILA Toastmasters (ILA stands for Institute for Leadership Advancement, and was comprised entirely of Juniors and Seniors mostly in the business school), and because he was a junior who could serve the club after I was gone and steward it along. Not having the luxury of an experienced Toastmaster in the MBA club made my friend and classmate a logical choice for that club, while experience made more sense in the younger club. I would have been fine with another person who also wanted to be president of that club, but he was popularly elected by the club's members (as was my friend, but he had no opponent in his election). She was dynamic, passionate - a born leader. He, though, still did a great job of helping the club establish order and follow an agenda, which is an important part of the teachings of Toastmasters (running a meeting). He might have made a better second president, because she was a Senior and he a Junior, but I was glad for his leadership nonetheless.
Each of those graduate teams and each of those clubs demonstrate the value of being willing to follow, regardless of the gender of the leader. Great leaders can accomplish a great deal, but without men and women willing to follow them, they have a much more difficult job. I, for one, am glad for someone else to get the recognition when they ask for the job or demonstrate to me they would do a good one. By being a leader's follower, I can shape an organization through their efforts and my own, instead of fighting against a leader I do not agree with or having to lead myself and find people willing to help me. One day, perhaps, I will feel I can no longer avoid the role of leader anymore in certain areas, but by then, hopefully I will have found others like me who will encourage followers to join me.
-- Robert
Many men I have worked with in life prefer to lead. They seek after important positions on teams - forward of the soccer team, point guard of the basketball team, quarterback of the football team, captain of any team. They seek recognition in the classroom - highest grade on a test, STAR Student, valedictorian. They seek after recognition in their business - promotions, important assignments, being "boss", titles with C-O or President in them. They seek after recognition in community groups - chairman of a political party, president of a social club, chairman of a fundraising effort, deacon of a church. They seek after public office. They lead from the front whenever possible. First into the fray, top dog, head of the class, alpha male. They are revered by many around them, hated by some, feared in some cases, but almost always respected for their talent or charisma (or both) in some regard. Not all of these men are born to lead, but most of them definitely aspire to it.
I have certainly encountered many women who want to lead as well. Some of the most dynamic leaders I have worked with have been women. One such leader took a high school Interact Club which had formerly been comprised of about ten members and grew it to over 100 members in one year. She did it by word of mouth, recruiting her friends and getting them to recruit their friends, and by being warm and inviting to anyone interested in the club at all. I think she shaped the future leaders of that group as well, because the president who followed her led it in a very different way than she had presided over the Key Club the year before (which still only had ten members when she was done being president). She built an organization that became a cornerstone of the high school in the years that followed, and one that became an important part of recognition at graduation, as members who worked enough hours of service received a rope to wear with their robes.
I realize the last paragraph did not parallel the one before very well, but I have also had somewhat less experience with seeing women seek after leadership roles. Because I have a fairly broad range of experience, I feel reasonably confident in saying that women are less inclined to seek top leadership positions in general, but there are definitely those who want to lead. Some are, as the one I described, compassionate leaders who inspire. Many, especially those in politics and business, built their careers on a reputation of bone crushing and ball breaking, emulating the men in those fields but outdoing them in that way. I have certainly known compassionate female politicians, like the current State School Superintendent of Georgia and my former State Representative from my hometown. I have seen compassionate bosses in the corporate world, at least in articles I have read. But again, my experience shows me that in general men are more often driven to lead from the front than women. Women regularly assume the roles of party or club secretary, vice president of public affairs, and other supporting offices that are not number one. The first female chair of the Georgia Republican Party was just elected last year, and most people would probably agree she received the position because she had earned it by serving in so many offices of support before being chair. I have a tremendous amount of respect for women who do so much of the work of so many organizations and get so little credit because they are not the one whose name is mentioned first. The same goes for men who choose supporting roles, but I find more of them seem to take those roles in the hopes of one day being on top, while many of the women are quite happy being reelected year after year to serve in supporting roles - or they simply support without any office recognition at all.
I have held many positions of leadership. President of clubs and men's groups, captain of several teams, treasurer of a political party, vice president of several social clubs, counselor to the leader of my local church, and president of my company. I might say I have experience in leadership, certainly for someone as young as I am (I still think of myself as young in general). One of the things I most prefer to do, though, is to identify leaders and encourage a group to follow them. I have handpicked numerous officers of various clubs, encouraged peers to enter politics (yes, I admit it is shameful to wish such a thing on anyone), and selected leaders to head social organizations I have started. I know there is a huge amount of work involved in being at the head of any group, and I would rather help those who want the job to achieve it by being part of their support group than to be the leader myself.
In graduate school, I personally chose to follow two women in two different teams because I felt they were the best to lead their projects, and I personally picked two men to lead two clubs I organized because they were uniquely suited to guide those clubs.
The first team leader I chose because I liked her project and it was hers by virtue of her forming the idea, namely to start a Hispanic movie theater in Atlanta. She knew the market from having grown up in that community in Atlanta, and she had identified a perfect location that was available in the heart of most Hispanic part of the city. She obviously had passion for the project because she wanted it to truly happen. I knew my experience with accounting would be an asset to her team because she was a public affairs specialist by degree, and her teammate had a background in journalism. I helped another classmate who was an excellent fact finder, data miner, and data analyzer decide to join the team, and we made a wonderful project. I came within a few signatures of actually starting that business after graduate school, but the project fell through when the movie supplier reneged on his promise to supply first-run blockbusters to our theater. Instead my teammate and I (her original teammate was "fired" from the group by both of us and my friend left because we had what we needed from him) wished each other well and both got married that summer, moving away to different cities.
The second team leader I chose to follow was one who I felt had the best chance to lead a team we were assigned to by our teachers. She had experience in consulting, and it was our job to work on a project consulting with a county school district in the Atlanta area on whether or not they should centralize food production into one facility in their district. I wanted to do a quality job, and her experience in handling consulting jobs would be key to making sure we broke up th project into logical parts. I also knew that the other female on our team would want to lead (I knew her personality) and I would not have wanted to work for her nearly as much. It was clear from the outset that none of the three men on the team would want to be project manager, so I quickly endorsed the experienced consultant within five minutes of our first meeting. Our project was highlighted in the school magazine for what we were doing (at least in part because we were helping a school district, but hopefully because we did a good job) and we gave the district leaders a lot to think about.
The two men I chose to head the clubs were pretty different, but both ambitious to lead. The president of the Terry MBA Toastmasters had a lot of friends, got along well with people, and had a passion to become better as a public speaker. I knew he would encourage many of our classmates to join the club, despite the fact that it meant more work on top of a very busy class schedule. To my knowledge, that club lived on because his presidency formed a succession that a second-year student would always be president, and a first-year student would always follow him so the club would never go without leadership through the summers and after graduation. The other young man I chose made sense to me because he had experience in ILA Toastmasters (ILA stands for Institute for Leadership Advancement, and was comprised entirely of Juniors and Seniors mostly in the business school), and because he was a junior who could serve the club after I was gone and steward it along. Not having the luxury of an experienced Toastmaster in the MBA club made my friend and classmate a logical choice for that club, while experience made more sense in the younger club. I would have been fine with another person who also wanted to be president of that club, but he was popularly elected by the club's members (as was my friend, but he had no opponent in his election). She was dynamic, passionate - a born leader. He, though, still did a great job of helping the club establish order and follow an agenda, which is an important part of the teachings of Toastmasters (running a meeting). He might have made a better second president, because she was a Senior and he a Junior, but I was glad for his leadership nonetheless.
Each of those graduate teams and each of those clubs demonstrate the value of being willing to follow, regardless of the gender of the leader. Great leaders can accomplish a great deal, but without men and women willing to follow them, they have a much more difficult job. I, for one, am glad for someone else to get the recognition when they ask for the job or demonstrate to me they would do a good one. By being a leader's follower, I can shape an organization through their efforts and my own, instead of fighting against a leader I do not agree with or having to lead myself and find people willing to help me. One day, perhaps, I will feel I can no longer avoid the role of leader anymore in certain areas, but by then, hopefully I will have found others like me who will encourage followers to join me.
-- Robert
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Hump Day, When I First Got the "Disease"
When I was about twelve years old, my Dad invited me to go to the election night party for his friend who was hoping to become our next state Representative. Dad had been his official campaign chairman, but I had little knowledge of his involvement or what those sorts of things even meant. It sounded like a night that might bore most kids to death, but I had grown up going to various parties and functions with a lot of adults, so I was fine with going. Little did I know I would forever be fascinated by this thing we call "politics".
That night someone pointed out I was good with numbers, so they let me add all the voting tallies as they were called in from the courthouse. I felt like the most important person there, constantly having to explain what the numbers meant, and often being asked "So, does it look like he's going to win?" I was used to talking to adults, as I said, so I loved the chance to answer these questions. It probably sealed the deal when my Dad's friend won that night.
A short time later, my own father ran for an open seat to the United States Congress. He had left his job for unrelated reasons, and he felt he could do some good serving our district in the House. He was not the only one, though, as at least five Republicans ran. I was about to head to high school, but I decided I would rather help my father campaign than go to the summer camp for the football team. I spent long hours putting together signs with nails and staples, stuffing mailers, stamping mailers, and handing out literature as my father walked the strip malls of our district. A few days before the election, I helped make phone calls to invite people to come out and vote for my Dad. I was amazed (and often horrified) to hear what people would tell me, a fourteen year old, about my own father. I was cussed out, hung up on, and talked down to. Somehow, I still was not cured of my fascination with politics.
The Primary Day came, and we all gathered to watch the results come in. It was quickly apparent that Dad had not made the runoff. One of his opponents who had vilified him as "a wide-eye liberal" published (without asking) in our local paper an ad explaining how similar his views were to Dad's (Dad had won our county, but he lost badly everywhere else). The man won, and he is still the Congressman from that district today. I've never particularly cared for him, though.
Two years later, my Dad had started a business, but the chairman of the state party came calling. He recruited Dad to run for Labor Commissioner - a statewide office, and one rarely (if ever) held by someone in our party. He agreed only after the chairman promised to give him a certain amount of campaign funding. That promise was never fulfilled, but Dad never dropped out of the race. I had just gotten my license the year before, so I was able to drive him all over the state to interview with newspapers, almost always leaving one interview late for the next one. That summer I learned to speed. It was my job to read the map and decide how best to get from where we were to where we needed to be, so I learned a lot about maps, and about how big our state is. I also learned more about politics, as I watched people from within our own party threaten my Dad, telling him they could not support him if he didn't use "their people". He didn't, and it may well have cost him the election. My father, though, has always been a man of integrity, and he has not let is morals be swayed by expediency. I learned a lot about just how strong his moral compass is during that campaign. He lost by about eight percent, 54%-46%, and he said he was cured of his desire to ever run for public office again. I remember riding home in the car around 2:00 AM and listening to liberals call in to a local radio station, saying the world was coming to an end - the Republicans had just taken the House and Senate. My day might have been "lost" but the party had succeeded in its main goal.
In the years to come, I would work on more campaigns, and I Election Night was to my family what New Years Eve was to many - a big night to stay up and watch what happened. I learned a lot of valuable lessons, but most of all, I knew I had the disease called politics. Any time someone has asked me if I plan to run for office, I always say, "Only if I have to." I prefer to work to elect people I feel will do a good job, and I have come to see that one person really can make a difference in an election. It all goes back to that first night at an election party, counting votes.
Disclaimer: I have avoided politics on this blog because it is not part of the overall topic of our blog. I just thought this post went well with the theme of today's Hump Day (childhood memories) and with the times.
I liked the Hump Day Topic, look here to see what Hump day is and to read other people's Hump Day Posts:
http://theartfulflower.blogspot.com/2008/01/hump-day-hmm-for-january-30-2008-sweet.html
-- Robert
That night someone pointed out I was good with numbers, so they let me add all the voting tallies as they were called in from the courthouse. I felt like the most important person there, constantly having to explain what the numbers meant, and often being asked "So, does it look like he's going to win?" I was used to talking to adults, as I said, so I loved the chance to answer these questions. It probably sealed the deal when my Dad's friend won that night.
A short time later, my own father ran for an open seat to the United States Congress. He had left his job for unrelated reasons, and he felt he could do some good serving our district in the House. He was not the only one, though, as at least five Republicans ran. I was about to head to high school, but I decided I would rather help my father campaign than go to the summer camp for the football team. I spent long hours putting together signs with nails and staples, stuffing mailers, stamping mailers, and handing out literature as my father walked the strip malls of our district. A few days before the election, I helped make phone calls to invite people to come out and vote for my Dad. I was amazed (and often horrified) to hear what people would tell me, a fourteen year old, about my own father. I was cussed out, hung up on, and talked down to. Somehow, I still was not cured of my fascination with politics.
The Primary Day came, and we all gathered to watch the results come in. It was quickly apparent that Dad had not made the runoff. One of his opponents who had vilified him as "a wide-eye liberal" published (without asking) in our local paper an ad explaining how similar his views were to Dad's (Dad had won our county, but he lost badly everywhere else). The man won, and he is still the Congressman from that district today. I've never particularly cared for him, though.
Two years later, my Dad had started a business, but the chairman of the state party came calling. He recruited Dad to run for Labor Commissioner - a statewide office, and one rarely (if ever) held by someone in our party. He agreed only after the chairman promised to give him a certain amount of campaign funding. That promise was never fulfilled, but Dad never dropped out of the race. I had just gotten my license the year before, so I was able to drive him all over the state to interview with newspapers, almost always leaving one interview late for the next one. That summer I learned to speed. It was my job to read the map and decide how best to get from where we were to where we needed to be, so I learned a lot about maps, and about how big our state is. I also learned more about politics, as I watched people from within our own party threaten my Dad, telling him they could not support him if he didn't use "their people". He didn't, and it may well have cost him the election. My father, though, has always been a man of integrity, and he has not let is morals be swayed by expediency. I learned a lot about just how strong his moral compass is during that campaign. He lost by about eight percent, 54%-46%, and he said he was cured of his desire to ever run for public office again. I remember riding home in the car around 2:00 AM and listening to liberals call in to a local radio station, saying the world was coming to an end - the Republicans had just taken the House and Senate. My day might have been "lost" but the party had succeeded in its main goal.
In the years to come, I would work on more campaigns, and I Election Night was to my family what New Years Eve was to many - a big night to stay up and watch what happened. I learned a lot of valuable lessons, but most of all, I knew I had the disease called politics. Any time someone has asked me if I plan to run for office, I always say, "Only if I have to." I prefer to work to elect people I feel will do a good job, and I have come to see that one person really can make a difference in an election. It all goes back to that first night at an election party, counting votes.
Disclaimer: I have avoided politics on this blog because it is not part of the overall topic of our blog. I just thought this post went well with the theme of today's Hump Day (childhood memories) and with the times.
I liked the Hump Day Topic, look here to see what Hump day is and to read other people's Hump Day Posts:
http://theartfulflower.blogspot.com/2008/01/hump-day-hmm-for-january-30-2008-sweet.html
-- Robert
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