Happy Birthday, Old Man

For the record, I started calling my father "Old Man" as a term of endearment at least a decade ago. He knows it is not a disparagement - he told me when he turned 51 to tell my friends my parents were a hundred years old (my mom was 49). He wears his age as a badge of honor, so this post is not a knock on my father.

I hope you have had a wonderful birthday, Dad. You deserve it. You have stood by me through decision after decision that you did not fully agree with our appreciate. You have respected me enough to be a man and make my own way. For that, I am eternally grateful. I know you struggled with your own father when you chose a life other than what he had in mind for you, so perhaps you understood it was not easy for me to decide to leave the business world to become an academic. You have taught me so much that I hope to bring to my classrooms and perhaps even my writings: the value of keeping one's name clean, the price of doing what is right, the grounding that faith brings, and the importance of learning from failure. Most of all, though, you taught me the importance of loving your family more than your hobbies, and the importance of doing quality work. Hopefully one day my career will honor your name. I know you have sacrificed a lot for sis and me to have the wonderful opportunities we have enjoyed throughout our lives. With great opportunity comes great responsibility, though, and I have a responsibility to be the best I can. This tribute to you has turned into being mostly about me, but that's how you always seem to want things (no attention on you). So this year, instead of a gift you don't want, I'm writing this post.

I love you, Old Man.

-- Robert

Thanks for the Memories

Six years ago today, in this town (Monticello), my wife and I stood before her father and God and became a family. I was the happiest man there that day, and I had only begun to know how fortunate I was to join this family. In the time since - through three reunions, various holidays, and other occasions - I have come to appreciate that I had married into the perfect family for me. My brothers-in-law are all much like the friends I had in high school, though they're mostly nicer. I love hanging out with any or all of them. My sisters-in-law are kind, generous, and gifted as well. My mother-in-law is wise, but good to share her experience in ways that are not at all judgmental. My father-in-law inspires me more every day. Truly, they are all a wonderful family.

When I married my wife, I knew I had found a diamond in the rough. She thinks so little of her many talents - herself in general really. I grow to love her more every day as I see how those talents effect the lives of our children and our friends, not to mention my own, for the better. She has a huge heart, and I am glad to know her. Getting the bonus of a wonderful set of in-laws is almost more than I can believe at times.

So on this, our sixth anniversary, I say thanks to all of my wife's family - especially my wife - for the wonderful memories. I look forward to many more.

-- Robert

Texas, My Apologies, I Never Knew You

To the state of Texas (this section of it at least),

I apologize completely and whole heartedly. I had no idea living here could be so nice. I saw people leave the driver's license office smiling here. The tag office gave me my choice of four agents to work with, and when I didn't have my wife with me, they filled out everything so she just had to sign her name a few times and I could bring it back to get tags and titles for our cars.

This state - at least this town - has been very welcoming. I am not saying it's Heaven on Earth. I've only been here a few weeks. Still, it's very nice to feel so comfortable already. I'm even beginning to connect in my head where places are despite using a GPS to go everywhere.

We have a drive in theater here. We have plenty of stores to meet our various needs. It's just a great little town. It doesn't hurt that there are a lot of people in similar places in life at our church - or that there's a temple right behind said church. This town just has so many things we could want and so little of what we don't. And it's in Texas, so again, I apologize. This state has at least one little slice of Americana that I will cherish for the rest of my days. I look forward to getting to know it better in the days, weeks, and years to come.

-- Robert

We Have a House With Stuff In It

We made the trip to Texas, despite our mover - Sky Movers, who we will never use again - being two and a half days late and still not getting everything on the truck. We got to Lubbock in plenty of time for the walk-through, which the builders were clearly worried about. After all, the sod wasn't down, two windows needed replacing, and the shiny finish was not yet on the concrete floors. We were just so glad to see the house, we didn't care at all - as long as the closing went without a hitch. Which it did. The next day, we were signing away our debt freedom with great gusto. In the midst of the signing, one of my professors called to ask me to work on a project with him, and my wife said, "I guess that was the reason we needed to get here two weeks early." So immediately upon arrival, I had work to do, which is very exciting.

The movers then let us know the truck had not left Florida to get to Texas - again, NEVER use Sky Movers - and our stuff would arrive Monday at the earliest. We had to figure out how we might manage on the few things we'd brought in our rented Uhaul trailer and two cars, but we mostly enjoyed camping in our new home. My professor and his wife were gracious enough to invite us to their home for dinner, and then lend us a few things to help us get by while we awaited our things. They're both wonderful, warm people, and I look forward to getting to know them better.

Friday we got our fridge - we had to rent a Uhaul truck to get it home and avoid waiting a week - and we clearly out the garage in preparation for the movers arrival. Saturday we hung out with the family that hosted us during our visit in February, and then we did it again Sunday. They watched our kids for us Monday while the movers came - did I say they were wonderfully nice people? - and kept on watching them while we unpacking things. I have felt very welcome here. We even received a thank you from one couple just for finally building on the lot at the entrance to the neighborhood. We met a few people Sunday at church and the kids are adjusting well to being in a large ward instead of a small branch.

In short, we have loved our new home a lot already. We are looking forward to settling in over the coming days and weeks (we already have unpacked more than a dozen boxes today alone), and making a life for ourselves. I suspect it might even be harder to leave here than it was Cairo when we're done. Everything is so convenient and everyone is so warm and welcoming. I am enjoying working on this paper already, and I look forward to it bringing more opportunities to accelerate my learning curve.

So if this blog languishes, my apologies. We simply have much to do, and there are only so many hours in the day. I appreciate all who have kept up with us through this whole exciting process, and I hope to continue to make periodic updates. If this week proves at all typical, though, I don't know how frequent they might be.

-- Robert

Countdown

We now have three weeks left here. We got the call from the builder that the house will be done in three weeks, so we set a closing date, and we will proceed to lose our marbles organizing everything for the move at warp speed. Okay, we won't really lose all our marbles. They'll be packed in a box that will take us weeks to find after we've gotten everything moved. Generally they're in the bottom of the last box that gets unpacked.

In the meantime we have two musical performances for my wife to prepare for, our daughter's birthday party to plan and have, and we're taking her to Disney World for a few days, since she has a ticket she won't have much chance to use once we've moved to Texas. Piece of cake, right?

Right?

-- Robert

Insatiable

This weekend, as my wife and I were driving to Atlanta, we were having a discussion about the parenting book we've both been reading. Being the introspective (some might self-absorbed) person that I am, I commented on what I saw in the book about my own childhood.

And I had an epiphany. Before I explain, I want to be clear: I am not trying to pass judgment on my parents for what I'm writing. I simply realized that one of the ways my mother responded to my efforts had a profound influence on my entire character. I was, and in many still am, insatiable. One reason this book would suggest as to why was the way my mother was never complimentary to my grades. If I got a 93, she would ask, "Do you understand what you missed?" If I got a 100, she asked, "Was that the highest score possible." These were neither preceded or followed by any form of of the phrase "job well done."

I have no sour grapes over what she helped make me. I became a child who wanted to always do my best and even then I wasn't necessarily pleased. I was a very successful student as a result. I looked for new and better ways to improve myself and my outputs. I was able to use what I learned and what I became to pay my way through my Bachelor's on scholarships, and then get paid to get a Masters and now to get a Ph.D. I see no reason to complain about my psyche in this regard. I would say I did teach myself to deal with doing less than my best, but it still involved coping rather than being satisfied. I have never liked grades below A for myself. At least not in subjects I care about. So yes, I am grateful that the desire she instilled helped make me a success.

The problem is, my insatiable nature was not limited to school. I am overweight. One reason I am overweight is I do not have something in me that says "I am no longer hungry." I wonder if one reason for that is the fact that I was treated as a disposal by various family members (not always my mother) as a child. If there was just a little left of something, I was expected to eat it quite often. If I had not broken my leg at four and been more involved in sports in my early years, then it might not have resulted in my becoming overweight. Still, I can see how some elements of my weight stem from the same insatiable personality. If I had learned to stop myself, I might not be so big. It's something I will struggle with for the rest of my life, I am sure.

So what am I saying? No, I am not saying "it's all my parents' fault." What would I be blaming them for, exactly? I have a wonderful family, I am generally successful in life, I am a happy person most of the time, and I am about to pursue a lifelong dream with the support of a wonderful wife who has urged me to do it. So maybe it is my parents' "fault" that I love education, and their "fault" I am so successful. They certainly deserve a lot of credit for the good in me, so this is not a negative post. It was just something that I've thought about many times in the past - how I was raised - and I realized a lot of who I am could be tied to that one word. I'm not sure I'd change it, either. I just need to be aware of it, and manage it wisely in the places where it can hurt me. As for it helping me in my career... I can't say I will try to rein it in at all.

-- Robert

Common Interest

To my post yesterday, my wife asked, "What about on a small scale, such as each family? What if a family ran for what is best as a whole instead of just each for himself?"

Certainly, I think certain elements of society can definitely run for the interest of a subset group. A family is a great example where individuals sacrifice their wants and needs for the sake of the group - such as a mother sacrificing career goals for the sake of being home with a child, or a husband working fewer hours at the office that might advance his career so he can be more available to his family. I think that's a fine example where communal interest can be worked toward to achieve a greater whole.

The problem not addressed in socialism in general, and not addressed in Galaxia effectively, is the need for a common goal or cause. Simply wanting a better world doesn't work for a lot of people. If that better world means that someone must have a smaller house, drive a smaller car, eat less, work harder, or myriad other things, then that someone is likely to shirk. Shirking, simply means failing to do one's best in this context. If working harder (or generating more, however that is best described) will not directly benefit the person putting for the effort, that person is less likely to continue the extended effort. Karl Marx certainly overlooked the key element of the society he based the Communist Manifesto on: he studied a monastery and how well it functioned by working for the sake of the whole, but then he removed faith from the equation, which was the glue that bound their efforts together.

In the novel, the reason for Galaxia was to create a system that removed waste as much as possible, or more correctly removed excess. By removing the waste, the system would achieve a higher state (I believe the scientific term is entropy). At the very end, a reason that might justify the need to work together is presented, but it felt very tacked on to me (not to criticize a master, just my observation). Removing that onerous threat from the equation - a threat which most would deny or ignore anyway - I have trouble believing people would subjugate themselves to such a system willingly.

So, once again, socialism sounds wonderful in the ideal. "We're in this together!" is a great slogan. Or Rodney King's famous "Can't we all just... get along?" The problem is, the selfish nature of humanity is involved - and I am not convinced that it is a bad thing to have in the equation. Throughout the series, the characters acknowledge that society begins to decay when greatness reaches a level at which no one feels compelled to strive for "more" - whatever more might be. Scientific innovation tends to come from a need observed. If society is perfectly satisfying - or extremely satisfying with few shortcomings - then why would anyone worry about improving it? Certainly the world today is far from perfect, so people will continue to work for a better tomorrow. But if they cannot hope to reap the benefits of that "better" and that "more" then why should anyone expect them to try for it?

So returning to my wife's point, I can absolutely see sacrificing my own needs for the sake of my children. I can eat less to provide more for them. I can drive a minivan for their comfort instead of cramming their little legs into the back of a sports car I might want (or in my case, perhaps a small pickup). I just have trouble believing anyone else will necessarily sacrifice for them, and I have trouble asking them (my children) to sacrifice for someone else who may or may not be putting forth their best effort. I have trouble believing anyone else is willing to sacrifice for me and for my family. Instead, what we get is a lot of shirking.

Pure capitalism may not be an answer to any of these problems, but from an academically economic standpoint, it is hard to argue for socialism in practice - at least when practiced on a large scale, and whenever it is put in without a common goal. Correction: a commonly accepted goal. Without the agreed focus, the smaller players in the system are more likely to work in their own interests (to quote Seinfeld, "not that there's anything wrong with that...").

-- Robert

Focus

This weekend, my church held its semi-annual General Conference. On Saturday night, one of our leaders, Dieter F. Uchtdorf, himself a retired pilot, told a story about an airplane accident some years ago in the Everglades near Miami, FL. Then plane crashed despite fully functioning engines, wings, and landing gear. It was not out of fuel. The pilot and co-pilot were both alive and well. In short, nothing was wrong with the plane that kept it from being able to take off, fly, or land properly.

So what went wrong? A single green bulb had burned out: the one that signaled that the nose landing gear was down. Because the pilot did not see that bulb burning, he put the plane into a holding pattern while he investigated the bulb. He did not have anyone check to find out that the gear was down (which it was). He became so obsessed with the bulb that when someone noticed they were speeding toward the ground, it was too late to pull up. He let his focus get off of the important task of landing because he was obsessed with something that, in the end, was unimportant and even incorrect.

How often do we do that in life? We obsess over a television series, the next American Idol precedings, Spider Solitaire, EA Sports next new game,blogs (oops), or whatever else. Meanwhile, important things like spending time with family, accomplishing work, exercise, prayer and scripture study, and so much else in life goes by the way side. I am as guilty as the next person of letting little things distract me from what truly matters. I just appreciated the reminder to reconsider my focus and to make sure I find balance, even with the good things of life, so I don't crash and burn.

-- Robert

The 300 Club

No, I have not hit a little stitched leather ball with a stick three hundred times, but I am now writing my 300th post. No, it will not be "300 things about me" or even "what were the first 299 posts about". I just felt like pointing out I was writing my 300th post.

There. I did it.

Whew, now with all that fanfare out of the way - please stop blowing the party horns - we can move on to more important things. Whatever those might be.....

Drawing a blank, too, eh? Well, okay, my problem is I probably have four different subjects going on in my head all at once, and they don't make for one post. At least two of them are very retread type material - moving and school - but I have a legitimate question for the moving one: anyone with advice on movers, I'd love to hear good and bad. Horror stories always make for a great comment stream at the very least. Feel free to use it for posts on other blogs, but point me to them at least. School, well, yeah, I know people are somewhat tired of hearing about it.

I'm also thinking about these great Asimov books I've been reading - well into the fourth book of the Foundation series - Second Foundation - and ran across a great passage I want to write a full post about. So people can ignore that one, too.

The last thing I am thinking about is my lovely weekend, as well as my wife's. She went to a great conference with a friend while we husbands watched the friend's daughter - my wife had the baby and my parents had our two older kids - and mostly relaxed at a nice condo. I love to see how these conferences help my wife because they are so edifying. I would love to write about one of her takeaways, but I won't steal her thunder.

So, for those keeping score: I could write four separate posts, and I might still make two from this one, and I have to wait on a potential third... but at least I wrote a fresh, original post.

-- Robert

P.S. No, I am not at all bitter that people aren't commenting. Truly, I'm not. I don't expect it on my "same song, twenty-fifth verse, this one's bad but so was the first" posts about my own reflections as we prepare to go to Texas. Those are for me. Any comments are welcome, but not expected.

Conversations With an Angel

I have to write this post right now. I am talking with an angel. My son, just nine and a half weeks old, is telling me all about heaven. At least, that's what he must be saying as he murmurs sweetly to me. I am so lucky to know this little guy, let alone call him my son. He's such a happy, good-natured spirit. I look forward to getting to know him in the years to come.

Happy Birthday, Ellie

Today is my wife's birthday. We have decided that between the need to celebrate the Texas Tech offer, the need to have a lovely date, and the birthday itself that we shall go to the Melting Pot with a couple of friends. We save it for really special occasions -this will only be our third trip. Still, for a wife as wonderful as mine, it was easy to want to treat her.

She has supported me every step of the way in pursuing my dream. Through the sudden flight to California, the applications to so many schools, the reading of academic literature ad nauseum, the trips to two schools, the recounting of numerous conversations and interviews with professors and students - she has encouraged me constantly. With the sudden decision to sell our home last summer before the first applications were even started, the exodus to in-laws, the later move to a tiny rental home, the fight with mice, dealing with so much of our stuff being in storage for all these months - she has kept her chin up. Now we face the prospect of having to move in to a tiny house, if we're even lucky enough to get a loan for one, and she has remained positive and faithful. We both know the Lord has had a great hand in all these steps - I feel like I ought to write a post just to list them for myself one more time - and yet she helped me remember him one more time, "Robert, if God wants you to go to Texas Tech, then should you wait for the offer to start turning down other schools?" She was right: I needed to be willing to have faith, but just as I made the commitment to do just what she suggested, the offer came (another miracle time amazingly).

This is a post about her, though, not me. I marvel at my wife some days. She does so much to raise our three beautiful children right. She works with each of them to make sure they get what they need. She spends hours thinking of those needs. She wears herself out and gives up so much of herself to do these things. I just hope I haven't kept her like a caged bird in this small town these past few years. I know being in a college town will invigorate her as much as it will me. I am looking forward to the first day we move in. For now, I will simply continue to count my blessings for her patience and understanding. I still don't always know what took me so long to follow this dream. She's known it was meant to be since we met, really, or at least since I was in graduate school before. She's never let me forget it, and I love her for believing in me.

So to my wife, on your birthday, my love, thank you for these six years we've been together, nearly six years of marriage, and more than seven of wonderful friendship. Thank you for being who you are. Most of all, thanks for marrying me.

-- Robert

Official Offer

I was going to update yesterday's post after I received an invitation from the school I had a phone interview with - I had not expected that invite for another week - but today's message makes that a moot point. I received a phone call from the Ph.D. coordinator at Texas Tech University letting me know I have been officially accepted. He also let me know what my compensation would be as a doctoral student (they call it salary, other schools call it a stipend), which makes the offer complete. I will receive a letter later today with all he said in writing, but it is nice to have the personal touch of a direct contact.

So, I now know where I will be headed next fall: Lubbock, TX, and Texas Tech University. We loved our visit. My wife made a great connection with the wife of my future professor, and I connected well with several. We loved the town, the church, the temple (it will be great to have it only a few minutes from our home), and really everything about it. Most importantly, I prayed about it the entire time I was at my in-laws, and I received a blessing from my father-in-law. In that blessing, I clued in to the word "guidance" as much as anything else. The very next day, one of my professors replied to my email to encourage me strongly to accept the offer if I felt right about it, and another went from telling me to wait to agreeing that I should probably accept it. I already felt the answer was to accept, but with the blessing and those two emails I saw more than coincidence. I saw an answer to prayer.

So, in a few months, we will move to Texas, one of the last places in the country I ever imagined living. We'll be among the thousands of windmills, the tumbleweeds, and the flatland, but most importantly, we'll be among people who care about us and want to see me succeed. I never imagined my search would come to such a great place, and yet here I am, grateful for the guidance I have received from mentors and friends, but also thankful I - no, we - had the faith to follow the Lord's will a few months ago.

-- Robert

Outbound, Hammer Down

"Hammer Down" is an expression I hear in trucking. Hopefully it's intuitive. We are headed west today, going on our great odyssey. Needless to say, we are all excited for the trip. I cannot promise that I will be blogging at all on this trip, but if I find time, I will probably write my thoughts on my campus visit. It will be a fun trip, whatever happens. We love traveling together as a family. I am very grateful for the wife and kids I have.

-- Robert

Tick Tock...

A week from today, we will be on our way to Texas, by way of Louisiana. Waiting is the hardest part, it seems. All of us, kids included, are excited to be going. My wife says she's more excited to see her folks (which I can understand) while I'm more excited to see the campus we're touring (which might be somewhat true). Our daughter tells everyone she meets that we're going to see her grandparents, which makes me proud because it's my wife's parents who she only occasionally gets to see. She sees my parents all the time now, but in the future she might have similarly positive feelings for trips to (or from) my parents. Mostly I'm just glad she loves both sets even though she sees mine more.

I would write about other things, but my own little world seems to take up most of my thoughts. Between enjoying our new son (who is getting more alert by the moment but still remaining peaceful and quiet), planning for our trip, and waiting for other schools to contact me, my mind seems perpetually preoccupied. I find myself wanting to check email constantly. I also find myself thinking "Did I forget to do something?" a lot because of the preoccupation. I'm not exactly anxious, and I'm certainly not down by any means (I'm truly excited, quite frankly), but I am looking forward to knowing more soon.

Sorry for anyone still reading if this blog has become too much like "Henry VIII, I Am". I will try to bring my head up enough to notice other things again soon. I have plenty of thoughts on the craziness in Washington, but I see no point in commenting. Something is going to happen regardless of what I say or do at this point. We will all simply have to deal with whatever that "something" is. I do like the idea of encouraging home purchasing - for my own selfish interests. It seems somwhat providential to me that I might get such an incentive to become a home owner. We're checking into a lot of options in that area right now, but like everything else, we can't plan much until we know more.

And so it goes, same song, fifteenth verse, this one's bad but so was the first....

-- Robert

Four Weeks

Today our son is four weeks old. It's amazing how quickly time flies by, and how much he has already changed. Still, he mainly spends his days eating, eliminating, and sleeping. It's just amazing to see how he continues to be a peaceful spirit, even when he's wide awake. Last night I held him for a while as he was awake, and he just looked around, rarely fussing at all, and that just to say 'Don't put me on your shoulder, I liked sitting up' or something like that. He's a beautiful person, I must say.

I'm also glad to see that his sister's adoration has not subsided (if anything it has grown), and his brother has grown to really love him. Our older son will say "Baby's cryin' " or "What's wrong, 'a'y 'other?" (baby brother). Both his siblings love to hold him, hug him, kiss him, touch him gently, or talk to him. Each child is special, and each child has a way of making us wonder, "How did we exist without you?"

Most of all, I'm glad we're making it so far. I am very proud of my wife and her energy as she continues to nurture all three kids and meet her other obligations. I married an amazing woman.

Though I See But Dimly Now...

Tonight, as I drove home a car filled with sleeping children (and thankfully for her sake, a sleeping wife as well), I found my mind wandering as it so often does. At first I was on a fairly open, and for a while even well-lit highway. As I turned on to the dark country road surrounded by trees on either side, I started to think of how much the small path ahead mimicked our view right now. We can only see a short way ahead. We do not know what obstacles might lay in our path. We really only know what tomorrow might bring, or perhaps a week or two. We have no idea where we will be in that dark abyss beyond the headlights.

Then my mind turned again. I thought of a time, almost five years ago, when I was asked to go on a drive in the dark of night. The call came about 10:00 PM from our branch president. We were being asked to report to Navarre Beach, FL, where Hurricane Ivan had come ashore a few days prior. I immediately asked, "Are we sure it's safe? Are we even allowed to go there? I was told a bridge was out in that direction."

He calmly replied, as I am sure he had several times before that night, "They would not ask us to go if we weren't allowed or if it were unsafe."

My faith grew a great deal on that trip, and on the subsequent hurricane relief trips we took as a branch. The Lord would not ask us to go if it were not safe - for in my mind, the men asking us to go were doing so by his direction. And so, as I drove on tonight, I smiled at the thought I have had during the past few months over and over, as acquaintances have asked me questions like "What will you do if you aren't accepted?" or "How can you sell your house without knowing where you're going to be?" Then there have been the questions from professors, trying to understand why I would pursue a doctorate at this stage in my career - not because they doubt I could or should, but simply to know more of my intentions. With so many I have answered, and with others I very much wanted to, "The Lord would not ask us to go if he didn't want us to get there."

So now, safely back at home, having seen the whole path home only a little at a time, I imagine the living room in my future home. I will have followed the path a little at a time, having put my faith and trust in my Lord that I would make it there and beyond. I know - I KNOW - I will be there soon. For now, I am content to see but a little way ahead, for it is in these moments when my faith grows.

-- Robert

Daddy Daughter Date

Today I got the privilege of picking my daughter up from school. My wife had taken our sons to a nearby town to do some shopping for the baby, so she needed me to go. I got her, and we went to lunch together, and I let her know it was our "Daddy daughter date". She enjoyed repeating that phrase throughout the meal, and it was really fun to see how many people still remark on her amazing ability to speak so clearly and with such a command of the language. Because she is small for her age, people assume she is younger, but also she has been this way from the beginning.

With a newborn, it can be easy to overlook the children already here. I am glad I've had the chance with my daughter and my first son to spend time with them individually to let them know they are still my children, still some of my favorite people in the whole world, and still important to me. In my older son's case, I spent time with him while our daughter was at school and the baby had just come home from the hospital. I plan to continue giving some individual time to each child as the years go by.

-- Robert

P.S. This post might have been longer and more poetic, but I started it as my daughter was happily drawing at my father's desk while we were waiting for my wife to get back. I managed to write "Today" and save it (I had work to do but wanted to remember the special moment) before she started throwing a fit because she was so tired. It was still great to spend time with her, but it was harder to write as much after handling the fit.

Invitation

After my post yesterday, this email almost feels like an answer to an unspoken prayer. I got an email inviting me to visit one of the schools. In fact, it was from the school that hasn't actually closed their application process yet, which I take as a strong indication that they want to accept me. The actual phrase used was "like to invite you to spend a day with us to consider being a... PhD student" (I omitted the name of the school only).

I almost feel like a kid at camp who just got a letter from home. I would really love to go to the school, so this trip might well be to our future home. Maybe we'll know by the time we make it (we have to wait until the baby is six weeks old). It falls right in line with our plan with each child: long road trip early in life to instill "road readiness". We have done that with our daughter and with our first son, and they are very good travelers. We love taking trips as a family, in fact. If other schools invite me, then we might have to arrange to see some of those as well. For now, though, this trip will work out nicely because we were already planning to go see my wife's parents in a few weeks.

-- Robert

Six Years, A Thousand Memories Ago

Six years ago this weekend, I stood on a precipice of sorts. I was looking forward to amazing new possibilities for me in the future, but I was also facing a great fear. I had high hopes that a business plan I was working on was going to turn into a lucrative opportunity for my planning partner and for myself. I was afraid I was going to lose a relationship with one of the most amazing people I have ever met.

So I got on a plane. I flew to Salt Lake, where I could investigate the future of both concerns. There was a similar business to the one we hoped to start that happened to be in a Salt Lake suburb. In fact, our research had only uncovered that one business at the time, so it was the only place I could hope to check out. At the same time, my dear friend was headed back to college in Idaho, and I knew she would be passing through the area. We had, after all, arranged to meet that Saturday night. I had asked her to bring me something. We had discussed it, argued about it, and probably cried over it - so I decided it was time to settle it.

That Friday, I checked out the business. In two hours, I made one basic note, "If this is our business model, we had better be looking for jobs soon." When the business had to begin operations for the day because I showed up, I took that as a bad sign (it was a movie theater, and I apparently woke the manager from his nap when I asked for a ticket). I knew further investigation would be a waste, so I checked on how early my friend would reach the area the next day. I believe we met in the morning, but that detail has faded somewhat from memory.

I remember never wanting the day to end. We met in downtown Salt Lake and walked over to Temple Square. There we met up with another couple. None of us were technically dating within the group. We just each had some inclinations to do so. We toured the Visitor's Center, walked around the temple, and then toured the Conference Center. The peace in that place was palpable even to me, even then. I remarked at the time, "God is in this place." My group was kind enough to deflect the missionaries questions as to which of us were not members. They wanted me to appreciate my experience without feeling bothered or pressured. Without a doubt, it still stands as one of the best days of my life.

After the square, we all walked over to a mall to meet up with other friends. A mutual friend was due to be married in a few weeks, and she was in town to look at some wedding-related items. Make that the third couple to join the group. The engaged couple broke off again, though, and we all returned to Temple Square. I had parked at the mall there, and my friend needed to get on the road. After all, she had a date that night with some lucky fellow.

Neither of us wanted to leave. Well, I didn't want her to go. But a promise was a promise, and I didn't expect her to break her date for me. So, instead, we found ourselves standing at our cars, wondering when (and perhaps if) we would ever meet again. Our first meeting had been just under a year before, and we had enjoyed this one even more than that. Still, so many things seemed to stand in our way, so we simply couldn't be together. One of the biggest obstacles was in her hand.

"I hope you don't hate me for giving you this," I remember her telling me. I found it an odd remark, since I had asked her to bring it. I promised to look at it that night. We embraced for a long moment - both too short and too long. Then we separated. The day was just a little darker for the parting.

Now we look at it together. We discuss it. We show it to our children. We give it to friends who show an interest (and probably some who have no interest). Most of all, though, we share it between us, no longer an obstacle but instead a cherished bond.

Six years. One thousand, two hundred, and ninety days. A world away from where we were. And back on another precipice, looking on an uncertain future. At least this time none of that uncertainty comes from our relationship. Sure, we might wonder how we can afford this or that, or where we will be in six months and again in five years, but we know whatever happens, we'll be together, come what may. That alone makes the view spectacular. After all, I can see my wife and three beautiful children in it, and what could ever be more beautiful than that?

-- Robert

Just When I Thought We Were Done Here...

Tonight, mostly so we could get out of the house, we decided to drive to a nearby town to look for something we were interested in, to get some good Japanese takeout, and to let the kids play in Chick-fil-A's playplace. As we settled in to our table near the glass window, we struck up a conversation with the couple next to us. The wife was clearly close to the end of a pregnancy, and so she noticed the baby with some great interest. We also noticed their son was about our older son's age and started comparing notes on parenting.

After we had talked for a while about giving birth and post-birth experiences, the husband asked me, "So are you from the midwest?" I laughed, since he was only the second person to guess that. I told him I was from Atlanta and he remarked, "Yeah, I guess Atlantans don't really have an accent. But you both sound you're from the midwest."

My wife explained where she was from, which brought the natural question everyone asked, "So did you meet at UGA?" We got perhaps the thousandth opportunity to share our experience of meeting each other (amazing to think that was now seven years ago), why we hit it off, how we courted (in our own peculiar way), and how we ended up where we are. Each time I felt sure I was boring the husband with it, he would ask another question showing he was paying attention, and possibly even interested.

We found out they were graduates from FSU's music school, so they had something in common with my wife (much of her schooling was spent in schools of music). We also found out that he was in urban planning because we mentioned our meeting in Salt Lake (he was fascinated by their transit system). He was also a graduate from a masters program, like me. He even took a lot of interest in my pursuit of a doctorate.

The most notable interest was how dejected they became when we did mention our plans to move. I picked up on it the moment I mentioned it (No, I don't go around telling random strangers, "Yeah, I'm getting a doctorate." It came up in conversation, I swear). Then the wife explained that her two best friends in the area were from Kansas and Virginia - and they had both moved home. About that time, the husband even said, "This is the nicest conversation I've had since we moved up here." I asked if they were new in town and they said, "Not really. We moved here three years ago."

Wow, did we know how they felt. We spent several years feeling fairly lonely as a couple, and have only made some great friends over the past year or two. And now we meet this great couple (our wives exchanged cell numbers) just as we're getting ready to leave. Still, a friendship might well have formed this night, and I don't plan to write them off simply because we're leaving. It was a great night, and a completely random event, so it almost made it that much neater. My wife and I even joked on our way home that we might have met our "replacements" for our friends we're leaving behind. They certainly seemed like they would get along well with at least one couple we know, probably two. That would be a great legacy to leave - pairing up some friends just as we depart.

Time will tell. For now, it's just a nice evening to talk about.

-- Robert